The theme that runs rampant in my life, like an overgrown invasive species (I envision Kudzu, because it’s everywhere all over Illinois and I know it takes over every living thing like crazy) branching out so effortlessly in many places, would have to be “Fighting The System.” We question a lot of things in our household–I feel we are in an era where we must think for ourselves, discuss things, not let the media and popular belief choose for us what we will do with our lives. There is a lot that you can lose by believing everything you see, or by being led astray by the notion that you can just trust corporations, brands, marketing, advertising, commercials, etc. On the contrary, most of them are lying to your face as they smile a toothy, perfectly white, smile. Greedily motivated by money, in many cases, these corporations are not trustworthy, (unfortunately, also including the medical profession in many cases) and you must do your own research and learn your own lessons if you are to be a wise consumer in any way.
So when it comes to life, we are conscientious, captive-minded consumers. By captive-minded (hence the name of this blog), I mean we keep our minds keenly aware of our environments and we hold our mind’s captive to be educated and learn things worthwhile. We try to sleep with one eye open and be wary of new trends or new ideas until we’ve thoroughly investigated them. We listen to a sermon or sit in an audience with our eyes on the speaker, but our brains still working. We don’t take their word as God’s word, we go weigh what was said against scripture. Anyhow, we don’t want to be meanhearted, but we want to seek truth. I have noticed lately that I can get really cynical, really upset about the state of our world. I can feel so distraught that I cannot simply trust people with my child, trust what people will do for him and how he will be taken care of… and really angry that all food is not good food–not even most of it. But you know what? My hope isn’t here. My hope is not in God’s Green Earth, as much as I do love it. I love the earth, I want to recycle, and I want it to last for future generations. But as much as I do, I also realize that humankind has a destructive, irrational gene in its makeup: where we should be content, we try for just a bit more. When we should be happy with one handful, we take two. So I must know, as long as this world is a broken wreck that God has to restore, it will not be everything I hope for it to be. Motivations will be twisted. Ecosystems destroyed. Lives lost to greedy wants and wishes. I can try to save my son from every contaminant, poison, and cleaning supply that was invented… but he will be touched by some of it simply by living in this world.
My hope is not in fighting the system. My hope is in the fact that it’s a broken one. This is not, and never will be, how my life and this world were created. I believe in a God who created a system that works together so beautifully, so symbiotically and systematically, that it can do nothing other than show us a peek at the Creator’s glory. A speck of what is to be. I await the day when creation and creator will be reconciled. My hope is in the return of Christ, in His continual work within me, and His love for all humanity. That deep within us, there is a story that speaks of more. We are all trying to fill that void, and those who greedily stuff things deep into their pockets at the expense of others (or rainforests, or babies, or puppies..) are trying to do the same thing. They want more, more, more, because they know in their heart of hearts that they were meant for more than this mere bleak existence that they may be experiencing.
So I will be an activist. I will continue to speak for things that I believe in. I will fight the system with gusto! With fervor! With passion! I am a zealot for many topics, namely: real food, saving the lives of unborn babies, and issues of education & parenting. But I have to realize at the end of the night, my hope and my soul rest in more than these things, and that I have done what I can. Recently, I have really been wrestling with vaccines. August is currently vaccinated, but the more I read, the more weary I feel. The more I know, the more burdened I feel his tiny body is with the weight of the chemicals and nasty additives going into his system. I know that I was vaccinated and I turned out okay. I know that Troy was also. But still there is a big, huge doubt. It seems like a vicious cycle and evil necessity… Something I don’t want to do but feel pressure to. I know that there are many diseases that would probably be killing mass portions of our populations these days if people were not vaccinated against them. My counsin reminded me about Polio, and how so many probably wish a vaccination was invented when they were dealing with that crippling disease. Without a vaccination, these may still be huge issues of our time. But still, I see so much wrong with vaccinations. Why do babies have to be injected with things that contain such nasty ingredients? Mercury? Aluminum? I’m horrified. Not to mention that we have no idea how Autism, Cancer, and Alzheimer’s Disease really come to be. It scares me. This is a place where I have to trust God. This is a place where I have to do my best, do my part, and then shut off the lights and get some sleep.
Mothers are asked to be everything. Waitress. Chauffeur. Counselor. Referee. Friend. Nutritionist. Comforter. Jungle-Gym. The list could go on forever and ever. Quality time and quantity time are so different, and I am doing the best I can. So I must fight the system in my ways, I must do what I feel is necessary to make informed decisions, but then I must put my hope in higher ground. Not in others’ opinions, not in trends and tradition. I cannot wear myself to the bone and then some. My hope is in Christ. And in Him I can let my hair down, cry my eyes out, or talk until I have nothing left to say, I can be everything I know I am and still be accepted.
All my love,