It seems like we value what’s soon to be, or what we are not yet able to possess.
I see that’s what I’ve done previously, and possibly presently as well. Today in Psych Seminar, portfolio presentations were center stage. Three presenters gave their stories in a professional manner, from a standpoint of what they had done in their time as a Psych major, and as a student. The stories varied considerably, some included photos from trips studying abroad, others detailed their family support systems thoroughly. Their showcases were clearly pieced together with time, love, and pride.
As I watched one woman inform us of her victories, and struggles, her highs and lows, I could not stop the feeling of awe that swept through my body. It went from my head, and trickled into my heart, touching a place that may have been a bit hard. You see–I have been longing, yearning to get out of college. To be done. As a Super Senior (which, if you don’t know, means I am doing more than the usual 4 years of time at an undergraduate institution) I have begrudgingly gone to class, skipped my classes from time to time, and pretty much skimmed by in some instances that my memory can recall. Though I have done these things, I have not yet felt truly sorry about them–which I should. So many, like my thankful colleague, feel that they may never have gone to college, were it not for God’s hand in things, or for a blessing by means of scholarship or family provision.
She is deeply thankful for the place she’s at in her life, and is going to pursue grad school! I feel so proud for her.
This is a great example, and reminder to me, of truly valuing what I should. Instead of being ungrateful that I can’t organize my home as much as I’d like to, or cook as often as I’d want, I need to be thankful for my education. It’s a funny place I’m at–both wife and student, and employee. I know that my roles are singularly important, in and of themselves, but it’s difficult to see that when I feel that I should live up to something more. That others will judge me because my home isn’t spic-n-span, and we don’t have a home cooked meal every night (though Troy’s been making some lovely pie lately!). Or because there is dirty laundry on my bedroom floor. This is a negative view, and I should rid myself of it, with God’s grace. If others judge, that isn’t their place. And… furthermore, my priorities must be elsewhere, if I’m going to get this diploma!
A beautiful time of life can be made ugly and disastrous, if compared to something that it will never be. You can’t value a diamond if you are always criticizing it because it isn’t a pearl! What?! Why aren’t you iridescent and round?! Why do you sparkle so!? Don’t you think it’s absurd? I do also.
I cannot compare this time of my life to any other, by saying, “Well, when I’m working more instead of going to school, I can help pay off those student loans! I will be more valuable!” I assure myself of my value, and of my worth in that manner, I guess. I’m sure my human condition will tire of the work world as well. I will think myself toiling at work, wishing for the days when I was a learning, free-thinking student acting in the play of college. I will think that role better than my new one. So I must learn to be thankful, and content, in all things.
And with this, I can ask that God will show me, as he showed Paul, how to be content in all circumstances:
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Phil 4: 12-13