Tag Archives: Hope

Mar 10 2013
2 Comments
Conscientious, Family, Feminism, Gender Roles, Justice, Mommyhood, Womanhood

The Impact of Raising Kids With Strict Gender Guidelines


(from personal observation)

This is a long-winded one, but if you stick with me and see it through, I hope it will be a thought-provoking journey, at least.

Our world seems to enjoy boxing people into roles, stereotypes, labels, etc. American culture, specifically what I’ve seen in rural American culture, sticks to these kinds of guidelines a bit too stringently for my liking. The church really, really loves doing this kind of thing–and I’m SICK of that, I might add. Sometimes, these snap judgements seem like they could be really useful tools–they keep things simple for your brain, so you’re able to just quickly write something off. Less pain for your brain, easily sorting everything into tidy little spots in society, but not necessarily the truth. They make everything seem very black and white, strictly speaking, and “just the facts, ma’am.” But if you look at yourself, if you look deeply, and if you also look at your life, maybe things shouldn’t be quite so stuck. That maybe, that’s not how the world really turns.

And by stuck, I mean that these guidelines are not be doing us any favors from where I stand. Cookie cutter molds from which to build our peripheral ideas and hopes about other people, other women and men, are not helping but in fact are hurting us at our very core. From looking around me, from looking at the relationships I have and the friendships I’ve built, I think that the gender roles rules need to be kicked to the curb: once and for all. Hello, I am that woman who will not force pink and purple flowered skirts on my daughter if that isn’t her liking, and Oh, hi there–I’m the feminist chick who will truly squeal with delight when my son creates his first dinnertime meal and serves it with pride. And I will never, never ever, give him “boy toys” like hammers and building sets, without giving him a kitchen to play with or something more neutral such as blocks and stuffed animals. And if he wants to carry a baby around and take care of it, my mothering soul will be proud that I have set such a wonderful, nurturing example for him.

Anyhow. The big kicker here is this: How you raise your sweet baby girl or sweet baby boy, is the expectation they will have of the world–FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE. The actions, the roles, the responsibilities that your little sponge is soaking up will resonate within them as the truth. The toys that they are given, shows that they watch, the music they hear, the way you self-love or self-hate.. they will have a perfect blue-print of what they think they’re supposed to emulate. Translation: If you’re a momma, and you do all the laundry, cooking, and cleaning, or if you’re a poppa, and you do all long hours of working, all the physically demanding labor, and have never lifted a finger to team up with your wife in a messful of kitchen, then your child will likely follow suit and demand the world to do so as well. When other people, specifically in this case probably your child’s future spouse, do not fit so tidily within these walls of examples, all hell breaks loose. It does not have to be like that.

These people (and I am one of them) who are not stuck in any one mold very tightly (I tend to have a personality that exhibits many male-typical traits & am a born leader in my own opinion, and I am a lot less domestic in many ways than some women are raised to be) a problem will certainly arise. There will be a clash, a contradiction between two worlds, and it will take a very long, long time for both people to reconcile. My husband and I were raised very differently. He was raised in a home where gender roles were very, very strictly followed. My home was a lot more egalitarian, though I do still believe I missed out on many important life skills I would like to learn now (read: changing a tire, or being able to sew), and I am not blaming my parents for these things. They did a great job. My hubby’s parents did a good job too–we just came from entirely different worlds, with entirely different priorities. Needless to say, there were many hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and painful fights in our first year of marriage because of gender roles gone awry. I hope that through our parenting and our observation of God’s design, we can nip that in the bud for our son.

I understand where tradition lies on the spectrum of very important pieces of personal history–traditions are what often make life special, give it meaning, make us feel connected to our past. At least, traditions in my understanding, through my life lens. However, I do not adhere to tradition for its own sake–I will forsake the “same old way” for a “new and more effective, efficient way,” in a heartbeat if I have made the analysis that a change will be positive and helpful. I do a lot of reading and investigating to glean out what the best way may be. The same is true for gender roles–I have looked, inspected, introspected, outwardly glanced, picked up the scriptures, discussed with many people… I just cannot grasp how some people will raise their children without a thought about how gender roles impact them. The world bombards men and women every day, mostly through advertising, and tells them what they will do, what they will say, and how to behave. Women are driven to see themselves as a sex object, when it boils down. Men are pushed to be fearless and impermeable, insusceptible to emotions and hurt. These things rob us of the people God designed us to be, and leave us yearning for more with a deeply buried insecurity that we carry like a huge weight slung over our shoulder. Perhaps not nearly realizing how much it impacts us–so many people carry this with them wherever they go, but it needn’t be so. You can awaken. You can understand that you are not your sex, you are not your gender. You are a child of God with uniquely given gifts and abilities–you do not have to buy, sell, trade, train, or squish yourself into a mold based on the image you see all around you of what the “Woman” or “Man” must do. These roles are irrelevant in many cases. Though they are mostly stereotypes and expectations of society, I will also say that women are often born mothers, wheras men seem to be learned fathers, or nurturers. Many men think that it’s “only a woman’s thing,” or that he isn’t expected to learn to nurture. Not the case, in my eyes. I think many men were never shown by their father-figure exactly what it means to be a nurturing man. Therefore, they always thought that would come from their mother. My husband is one of the most nurturing people I know, but he had to get past his early suppositions in order to embrace that. I had to realize that I am a self-starter when it comes to negotiating with people in a business-environment, and also trying to haggle with some of our utilities providers on the phone, and I am a leader in this way. If I had kept expecting my husband (who knows why? I guess I perceived it as a guy’s thing to do? ) to do these things, we’d both be going crazy, forced into roles which we did not fit.

So what does this all mean for our children? I would like to suggest a wild and crazy notion of forsaking traditional ways, forsaking what your television is telling you, forsaking the industries who are trying to sell you things (ahem… all of those toys and all of the crap you don’t need, which vividly supports gender roles: Dora, Bob the builder (ugh!), Barbie, and action figures like Spiderman…) are not trying to help your child or love them. They are trying to make $$. That is their bottom line–yeah, yeah, yeah, we can all argue about how our kids need action heros and adventure, okay I get that ( I like spiderman) but really… they want to make a quick buck. The more your child wants to be like superman or barbie, the more your child watches and consumes their products, the more money they make. And the less satisfied your child is going to be with who they are–as a woman or a man. I would like to suggest a crazy turnaround of allowing the “world” to suggest for us what our children should be like, and instead do a more inquiry-based playtime with our kids, where they are encouraged to explore all kinds of textures, shapes, experiences… without putting gender as their top priority. The world is made up of so many more things, and creativity blossoms without so many boundaries. Give your child the options. Also, inquiry-based with a dose of real world would also be a step towards better things: allowing your child to cook beside you. Lifting up the hood of your car and showing your kid all of the parts of the engine, etc. Boy & girl. NOT just boys. NOT just girls. We shouldn’t be stealing tools and resources that our children need to have in real life, so that they can come to expect another person to meet those needs for them. That is a huge, HEAVY load. ALL of our kids should be capable in as many areas of living as possible. Not just what our social circles say is acceptable for their gender.

Here is a bit of what I hope to do to help my child thrive in his God-given talents and personality, as a sweet little boy:

1) We have been very, very adamant about NO television for August. I don’t think it’s evil, I think advertising is evil–and there is a huge difference. Point blank. We watch PBS in our home (newly) and listen to NPR. We also listen to a wide array of music. He does not need television to stimulate his brain even more, and all the research shows that he does not need it or learn from it until after age 2. He does not need advertising to tell him what he doesn’t have and needs to have to be happy. He does not need to see the guy with massive muscles that he “should” look like. He will not suffer in the least without these things.

2) I always want him to have a choice in things, if he is able to make those choices. I don’t want him to feel like we are forcing things on him, especially gender-stereotyped things. Activities will not be optional once he gets to a certain age, because we want him to socialize and discover the things that he excels in, but he will choose if its basket weaving or soccer. I will support him in either.

3) As much as we are able, hubby & try to share the load across genders. He does the laundry when he is able and often on weekends, we both clean the house (I do more of this right now, because I am home almost full time with August) but Troy is really much more thorough with cleaning than I could ever hope to be! We must fully own that we are August’s biggest example, and so we have to get out of our comfort zones. I will mow the lawn, and I will learn how to check the oil in our van. I will do things that I am physically able to do. And Troy will carry him around on his back in a springy green Ergo even though it doesn’t make him feel “manly.” He will cook dinner for our family and be proud of it, because a guy can rock at cooking, too. And.. Because we share the load as parents, not as unequal partners.

4) I will encourage my child to see role models in both genders. I’ve had an old-man crush on John Miur for a very long time, probably my early years of highschool, and I respected him for the peaceful protester he is. I hope he will be fascinated with Madame Curie or Condi when he is in his formative years.

5) I will hunt for biblical truth, and not accept mainstream ideas that many churches seem to be having about roles within the church. They are not biblical, and they are not fair to women in who they are in Christ. I feel so strongly about this that I do not attend my old church anymore. I liked many things about it, but their ideas about gender was not one of them.

I feel that the roles we are expected to fill, the shoes we are expected to walk in, can be touchy touchy topics.  It hits people deep down, and they get offended.  I realize that.  But I also realize that it can be lifechanging to realize that these are not very valid reasons to live the way we do.  If you realized that your wife was better at something than you, but you always forced yourself to do it anyhow, it sounds like the recipe for disaster to me.  The same goes for any woman who would choose, every night, to make dinner (even if she’s really bad at it) even though her husband really loves it deep down, and can produce top-notch dinners.  And at the end of the day, I think we should all be sufficient.  Sad as I am to think about it, someday I may not have my husband.  I don’t want to be totally inapable of filling all of the roles he used to fill around our home.  I want us each to be confident and have the life skills we need–gender roles trap us into thinking we need someone else to provide many things for us.

One last thought on this topic, speaking spiritually.  I can give you a million ways that Jesus countered his very male-dominant culture.  I think a lot of people are very set in their ways on this polarizing issue, but during my last year at Greenville College, I had to do a very in-depth investigation about this topic and what Jesus really exhibited through his actions.  Through my studies with my fellow students, I uncovered what I believe very adamantly to be truth.  It was the first time I really, really took a hard long look at what Jesus thought of women and their role: The bleeding woman that he healed is probably the most beautiful example that I can give ((Mark 5:21-43, Matthew 9:18-26, Luke 8:40-56) of a savior who allows a woman who is thought of as “unclean,” completely cut off as a pariah by her fellow people because of her bleeding disorder… to touch him… she was accepted by Him.  Then another example when He speaks to the Samaritan woman at the well, that crosses all lines within his Jewish culture.  Women were very much the “lesser” citizen in Jesus’ day, but he made every effort to tear that down.  My final thought on this would be Jesus’ words: they were often very feminine and used motherly symbolism.  Men of that day just didn’t speak in such a tone.  He spoke of being a mother hen who gathers her chicks about her, in Luke 13:34.  I love that symbolism.  Even a dude in present day would rarely speak like that, so tenderly.  Anyhow, if you have any more questions about any of this, please ask.  Here’s a link that may help explain these beliefs further: http://www.jesuscentral.com/ji/life-of-jesus-modern/jesus-feminist.php.

All my love,

-M

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Feb 13 2013
4 Comments
Appreciation, Baby, Mommyhood, reflection, Relationships, Value, Womanhood

My Boy


This has been a really rough few weeks. Oh Lordy! I cannot begin to describe it. But as is usual, I would prefer to express myself in a different way anyhow. Even when the days are drag-down beat-up days, there is still so much I am thankful for.

Let me tell you, let me count the ways; My Boy is so unique and so particularly mine:

My boy is giggly, wiggly, snuggly and bright.

He has joy in his eyes, a spark of wonder–and light.

He can make me smile, even on the darkest day.

I couldn’t have imagined him, couldn’t have drawn him in a more perfect way.

He was designed, formed, planned.

He was created and molded. Gently, carefully by hand.

The days that get rough, days I can’t sleep…

The days I feel weak, like I’ll break down and weep…

On days when the house is a mess, the dog ran away…

Dinner was ruined and I’ve got nothing to say…

I remember the care that first brought him to life, I remember the joy as he first cried and cooed.

I recall how I gazed on his features and form.

His soft skin, his sweet face. How he smelled, looked–I was wooed!

I quickly realized my blessings and cards had been dealt– my new title of “Mom,” made me totally melt.

I would fall in love–such a love-laced heart attack!

Once you enter the world of a mother, you never once look back.

My Boy, you have changed me–because you are mine.

I am never going to be the same as I was, and that’s really just fine.

All my love,

-M

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Dec 27 2012
1 Comment
reflection

Overwhelm


My spirit has been lifted high and also brought low these past days. We were driving home from Liberty, where my hubby’s family lives, when we hit a deer. Rather, we were struck by one. I immediately screamed. I’ve never been in a crash, never done so much as accidentally backing into another car (while staring at my handsome then-boyfriend…oops!). So it was extremely scary to feel the force of our vehicle hitting something, especially a living animal. So I screamed. Tears instantly welled up in my eyes, and I’m not embarrassed to say so. Troy immediately thought of August being terrified because his mama was, and said, “Honey, try to hold it together for August.” He was visibly shaken, too. We couldn’t believe it. It happened so quickly, but also felt like slow motion. One second we were mulling over the holiday together, talking about what had happened and the people we had a chance to catch up with, the next we see this huge, beautiful male deer running into us. I saw its face, saw it look at us. And then boom.

When you have adrenaline pulsing through your veins, pushing into every part of your brain, you hardly think about how thankful you are to be alive. Those thoughts seem to finally work themselves into your mind sometime afterward. But gratitude did start to emerge as we turned around to look for the deer, and pulled into the icy driveway of a home close by. The inhabitants saw that we were parked there, and came out to see what the commotion was about. An older man, probably in his early sixties, helped my hubby assess the damage and offered a little comfort to us. I calmed our screaming baby as well as I could, and finally got him to laugh at me with a game of peek-a-boo. The force of the deer’s blow had made it impossible to open up my door except for an inch or so–I had to crawl over to the driver’s side door and let myself out to look at everything, too. The elderly man assured us that so many people hit deer on this road. A small country road, and a perfect place for deer to graze. His wife had hit a few, and he had too. The front end of our vehicle looked terrible. I felt shaky but thankful to know that things could have been so, so much worse. My motherly instincts gripped me strongly and deeply, letting me know that my child had been endangered & that I had to do everything to prevent that.

After climbing back into the car, we had silence. Troy was taking deep breaths, and I was thinking my own thoughts. After a few moments, we said “Thank you Lord… Thank you.” I was alive, we were all alive. Unfortunately, we saw that the deer was not. Poor thing. We were driving through his area and he somehow thought it was a good idea to come at us head on. I’ll never know what those deer are thinking when this happens! Our next thoughts were about money. “Crap.” We realized that we’d switched our auto deductible to a higher rate than before, and our budget didn’t have very much wiggle room for this. We had just depleted a lot of our emergency fund with the scary trip to the Animal ER when Shadow had an incident, and Troy and our friend Joe had put a new pipe in where there used to be a broken one–fixing a leak that was coming into our basement. We weren’t counting on a THIRD unforseen money emergency, but I guess that’s why they say these things come in triplets. Ugh. We would manage, but squishing finances around is never very enjoyable. Our hearts were heavy as we rode home, feeling upset, tired, dizzy. Not thinking straight. We got home, unloaded and put our belongings back, and hit the sack–thankful to be together, holding one another close.

The next day was Christmas. It was time to have my side of the family’s gathering, and I was excited. However, I was definitely still feeling edgy and weary after everything we had been through the evening before. When we arrived, my wee little Japanese grandma was looking out the front door. She must have been anticipating our arrival, and we could see her tiny silhouette standing in the entry. When we arrived, she grabbed me in a hug and said, “I’m glad you’re all safe, sorry you had an accident!” She was sweet. I gave my parents and uncle, and brother a hug. Happy to be here. We shared a beautiful meal, enjoying everything we had prepared and that had been provided. It was delicious–the kind of meal that stays with you for awhile. Then it was time for presents. My parents tree seemed to glow with a beauty more real and alive than I had seen in years. You start to look at things like that when you think you almost died! There were gifts piled high, all beautifully wrapped and tied up with bows. A sight to see, by all accounts. I soaked up the warmth, the joy. Trying to remember this forever. My baby’s first Christmas, Troy & my fourth together. Everything centered around our little guy, how cute he is, how big he is, how exciting it was. Babies have a way of bringing joy but stealing away all the attention. Haha.

When we sat down to open presents, we were just bombarded with blessings. My grandma told me that I needed to open up the card from her: First thing. So I did. It was a beautiful card, with Jesus manger on the front. It was addressed to Troy & I–we opened it and read it together. There was a check inside, and some bills as well. When I looked at the check, I had to do a double take. My mouth dropped open and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I think they probably fell out of my head then and there. The amount was more than I’d ever held in my hands before. I felt overwhelmed, not believing what I saw… “Grandma… oh my gosh.” She said, “Miranda, your grandpa had purchased that Christmas card before he died. He somehow knew to get it beforehand.” Grandpa passed in October. This was December. He had gone downhill for a long time. My grandpa had to have bought my Christmas card sometime over the summer. What a gift.

Suddenly, the collision with the deer seemed distant and somewhat forgotten. God had provided for us abundantly, more than we could’ve imagined, and we did not have to worry about the financial situation. What’s more, this gift of my Grandfather’s card gave me such comfort. I missed him dearly, as I know all of us did this Christmas, but somehow it felt as though he were with us then. My Gram also had one other gift for me–some photographs from when I was just a baby. What a perfect gift. Within the pages of a small flowered album there were precious photos I hadn’t ever seen. My grandparents holding me, my Grandma wearing a beautiful kimono and smile to match. A legacy.

Merry Christmas. This one will not soon be forgotten, for us.

All my Love,

-M

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Nov 29 2012
1 Comment
Appreciation, Conscientious, Creativity, reflection

The Fight: Thankful Hearts and Minds


Lets be honest about thankfulness–the human heart is trampled constantly by unthankfulness. 

It comes on slowly, like the tide coming in.

Littls bits of it surface, and we see them, and we’re just like, “Oh, I see that over there.  It’s no threat right now…  I can keep on just the way I was, because it’s such a small amount anyhow.  I can easily keep out of its path.”  So we truck on, walking or trudging towards wherever we’re off to.

Woosh.  Wham.  Then it hits hard and steady, surges of it coming on there and here.  It’s easy for me to envision our society as tiny hermitcrabs on the crest of a wave, swiftly being pulled outward into the open, wide mouth of the sea.  Being whisked along willingly by a beckoning wash of discontent–willingly until we feel the tight grasp the tide has upon our hearts and ourselves as a whole.  The icy grip of something that is so far from human, so far from the warmth of relationship–so controlling and crushing.  We don’t like that scary feeling once it has sunk its claws deep into ourselves: When our social media and commercialism claw at our rhythms of life, grasping toward our very purposes.  When we center ourselves around the latest conversation about some idea off in the distance with people who we hardly even know.  When we’re obsessed by the latest thing coming out that we have yet to afford.  It sucks you in.  It sucks me in.

When we realize this metaphoric occurrance has taken place, it’s something we have to dig ourselves out of, if we’re even able to be conscious of it.  It seems to me that most people are unwilling to admit what a hold it’s got on them.  Like they don’t want to be accused of having such an obsession as the lives of others.  But I think it’s there for most people, deep down.  We want to feel known, and we try to replace feeling known by God with feeling known by others.  Whether or not they are “real” and intimate friends–or if they’re just numbers on a facebook account.  I think I have to prune myself with sharp shears of intentionality often if I am to keep myself from going asunder into the ravaged lands of discontent.  It’s really hard.  Our commercial world has this way of creeping into every facet of what we do.  I just undid myself with social media in one aspect by removing myself from facebook a few weeks ago.  Nearly every day I wonder what’s going on in that little chasm which has become so deeply ingrained in most of us these days.  But the longer I stay away, the more I try to presently be in my own life, presently do my tasks with concentration, the easier it is to stay away from it.  I think back to the feelings it gave me of inadequacy, of being incomplete… probably partially because I was stuck between two worlds: the cyber-world of things and people I am not currently around, and the one I’m actually in but sometimes only half-way a part of.  I also felt inadequate because I wanted to really connect with others, not just facebook them to see what’s up in their lives.

This sucks the life out of life.  It simply drains conversations, ideas, thoughts.  We become these passive observers of our lives instead of active participants vibrantly attuned to what we are doing and where we’re at.  We stop being able to discern why we’re doing things or if we’re effective.  In essence, we start living in an alternate universe.

Think I’m being extreme?  Maybe.  But I don’t think I’m far off.  If you look, I don’t think you’ll have to dig too deeply to find something like this near to you.

So what can I do to fight for thankfulness in my own heart, and to fill my thoughts with joyful and thankful ones, thoughts for God’s purposes for my life?  When I’m really struggling, I have to pause and ask God to really grip me.  Take me captive.  Show me who he is.  Because I know I cannot do this alone.  Spending time with my family also reminds me to be thankful.  Reflecting on my life and all of those blessings that I take for granted lately.

I feel like God gives us all opportunities to see the world through another’s eyes.  I try to take those chances, and to actively realize where I should be thankful for what I have.  I’m sure sometimes others see my life and think the same thing.  We can show reflections to one another.

Fighting for my heart and mind to be capable of thankfulness and to embrace and rejoice in what God’s given me also means that I must remove myself from things, people, and places I know will tempt me towards unthankfulness, jealousy, and self-seeking pleasures that are really not helpful.  I try to focus on those things that I know will be edifying, that I know will be eternal, and I know will leave me with a deep contentment. Some of these are simple, like just sitting down in my dining room and having a cup of hot tea, and breathing deeply.  Actively speaking the truth of thankfulness to myself, reminding myself of what God did for our family that day.  Others things are more outwardly serving, like as bringing a meal for a friend or listening to someone when I really feel like telling them I’m too busy right now.

How do you fight for your thankfulness?

“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Colossians 3:15-17.

All my love,

-M

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Aug 24 2011
1 Comment
Appreciation, Marriage, reflection, Value

Every Season


Life has brought many changes, both big and small, for the Irvins. With the heat of summer and the sweet, yet unexpected, hints of fall (cooler evenings, even when the heat index is in the 100s during the daytime hours!) I reminisce on life and reflect on how the seasons ebb and flow. I’ve always loved the transitions and watching it with expectations of the newness. Through the seasons changing, it seems God has given us a very constant reminder that “this too shall pass” when we’re in a tough spot of life, but also that we need to take time to cherish little memories that will be here one day and gone the next. Like a green leaf turning golden, we can’t forget to thoroughly enjoy the moments that pass us on our busy journeys to get “there”. Life is a stream of seasons that flows into one big ocean of time: it swiftly passes by, and sometimes I just feel like I’m taken as a passenger–along for the fast-paced ride!

I’m trying to describe our days to you, sweet reader, but its hard to sum up in words. I can simply say that I am thankful in the current season, yet rejoice in hopes to come. We recently went on a big road trip to the East Coast, and it was our first one together! What a fun time to spend recharging and just being in one another’s company. Stopping at many destinations along the way–What adventure we had. Our final stop was to see friends get married; their beautiful ceremony and vows caused springs of love to well up in my own heart for the amazing gift God gave us in this special bond with one another. It was a reminder of who He is, who He always promises to be: everlasting, the one who seeks out relationship with us, the one whose grace never refuses. That’s what marriage mirrors, and what a Christ-like love is centered upon. In our journey towards God’s given promises, it is so good to breathe in a moment and taste the goodness that is there.

Among other new news, we have sold Troy’s Accord (ahh, we’ll miss that snazzy car! ) after coming to terms with the new lifestyle we now embrace. Homeowning is not for the vain, and having a van, or a truck, or … an Element… would certainly make moving things around, buying and selling, helping others with their junk… a much more do-able task. We’ve had my friend Sam staying with us for the summer, keeping company, learning, growing, & being as silly as we please. We have adopted a new dog, Lady, who has taught me such patience as she has learned the art of being housebroken, not chewing the meaningful little trinkets I possess, and general good dog manners. She’s been the sweetest thing as I’ve learned that being a doggy mommy to TWO dogs is even better than just one: I can see how they interact, how Shadow leads her around, and how her nature is the exact opposite of his. It’s a beautiful thing. She is constantly making us laugh with her antics, and in need of correction for some of her manners, but she shows us so much love. I am coming up on my last semester (envision me raising the roof as I shout this) of undergrad, and Troy & I are thinking of things towards the future and what that means for us–with God’s vision to guide us. In about a month we will embark on our first real serving-centered trip together to help restore Joplin after all of the devastation, and we are eager to see what God will do there.

There’s a quick update, for any who are interested, and for now I’ll bid you adieu. God’s got a way to mend my brokenness by showing me the goodness all around, and I hope that He is helping to restore yours as well.

With Love.

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Feb 16 2011
1 Comment
reflection, Relationships

Friendship healing.


This heaven-sent weather has been humbling.

God has assured me, as He graciously does every year (like a parent does for a small child, who needs the reassurance) that Spring will yet again come to greet me.  The long winter was certainly difficult for me to endure.  This beautiful day makes me look up at the sky, with wide-eyed wonder and childlike amazement,  just sighing with contentment and joy.  I feel so tiny in the gigantic scheme of creation, yet important enough to know that my Father sent me a beautiful day that brings peace and tranquility to my heart.  As someone who truly is affected by the swings and sways of the seasons, I can tell you I’m overjoyed at breezes and sunshine.  Today I was able to go on a walk with one of my best friends.  Somehow, we always connect on the most deep levels, without even trying.  We’ve made time for each other in our lives, but God did most of the work.  She spoke words of healing to me, which sunk in deeply… penetrating who I am, and my perceptions of Me.

Let me tell you some things about her.  She and I are totally different.  We share many interests and likes, but the similarities stop there.  Our personalities are about as different as they come: she is more reserved and very quiet around people she doesn’t know.. I often blurt things out and laugh loudly.  We met as roommates, two new transfers to our college.  When I first met her, I wondered what God was doing?!  “This isn’t the kind of friend I always have!  She’s nothing like me!  She doesn’t talk!  She must not like me…”   Little did I know, she was pretty much thinking, “This girl talks so much!”  Haha.

Over the months, and now years, Sam has brought me so much joy, so much insight through who she is, and comfort. We’ve laughed–almost to the point of peeing our pants… We’ve also cried.  We took a road trip.  We’ve been crazy together.  We do a lot of things that just make life worth living.  She has given me faith in friendship–she has been there for me.  Most of all, lately, I see how her friendship has brought me a deep healing, something that only God can start in motion, and something He continues to support.  Healing through things I never thought I’d be able to overcome, Healing for things that I had long given up on.  She has come to my rescue more times than I can count, being a sister to me and loving me even in failures.  In our friendship, it’s been a constant “in-my-face” revelation of how our differences are beautiful; how I could never have picked this friend for myself, No–only God knew that I would need her so much in my life.  Her friendship brings freedom, and it brings acceptance to my soul.

This time of life has not been easy for me.  I have dealt with stress and anxiety issues (mostly physical ones that you can feel all over your body) since I was about 12.  It has been crippling.  It has debilitated me in many instances.  In some places of my life, I felt I was losing everything, and losing myself because of it.  I am telling this story because I hope someone can benefit from it.  So many people have reached out to me through my issues and problems; but I am especially thankful for Sam & her family.  Her mom is a Psychologist, and has helped me immensely through her love & expertise.  She uses a technique called Neurofeedback, which is, essentially a “training session” for your brain.  Well, it appears that my brain has been wired the wrong way, something is haywire, and my stress response is always in “fight or flight” mode.  It can affect my life . It has made some days a living hell.  All-in-all, with Neuro, I’m seeing results.  Real ones.  Progress.  Though it’s a road paved with ups and downs, just day-to-day struggles with it, panic & anxiety can be overcome by God’s grace.  If you have issues with these things, think of training your brain–it has done amazing things.  So it is through this healing friendship, and the non “coincidence” that we came to be roommates, that God has given me tools to change the course of my future, dealing with these problems.  I know that my God is an Awesome one, and that He’s leading me to recovery.  It’s a beautiful thing, and I know it’s just the beginning.

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Jan 16 2011
1 Comment
Conscientious, Spiritual Guidance

What’s in your “hand” ?


If you’ve never heard of TED talks…

Then you’re missing out!  This is yet another of those random and wonderfully enlightening experiences that my husband let me in on… And ever since, i’ve been fascinated.  TED stands for: Technology, Entertainment, Design.  Not only does it consist of those entrancing subjects, but it is one of the most educational and inspiring sites I’ve come to rely on for a spark of that “extra something.”  Its entire mission is to be a wildfire ablaze with “Ideas worth Spreading.”

Hub & I were sitting at home after a day of studying, researching, household stuff, etc… when cuddled up in the living room to watch this video of Rick Warren at a TED talk.  What he said was not mind boggling, but simplistic.  It wasn’t flashy, it was laid back.  It was challenging and real.  Poignant yet unassuming and touching to even the most everyday.  The last question Warren asks, at the end of his 20-minute talk, is this: “What’s in your hand?”  His analogy was to the story of Moses, when Moses is asked to lay down his entire identity for God.  I have to ask myself, would I lay down my entire identity, my assets, my goals and gains… to follow the One unseen?  I would hope so.  And in thinking of that, I do think of what I hold in my hand.  These things are those that nobody can ever take, things that aren’t tangible: My education.  My free speech.  My ethical convictions.  My creativity & humor.  What am I doing with these things?

Branching off of Warren’s ideas… I’d like to supplement something else into the equation.  Lets say I acknowledge those things in my hand: (my hand could be akin to the saying about a hand you’ve been dealt, many card-player references, etc.. whatever it is, it’s your lot in life) I see that I have an education.  I know that I have a respectable career ahead, a reputation, money, a warm home, and good morals.  If I see these things, realize that I have more than many, and yet keep my hand closed and close to me I will be helping nobody.  It is only in choosing to let go… to let His hand gently hold mine in an embrace that frees… that I impact others.  I am only capable of picking someone else up, holding them and bringing comfort, if my hand is wide open and humbly asking “How can I give you my hand?”  This is something I’ve had to think on many times.. and it’s not any easier when you think of how you can make it possible.  But you can.  In those everyday instances, when making a choice about what kind of legacy we are leaving and what we’re doing to help others.. we can decide to use what we’ve been given for the good of others.

Isn’t that something to think about?

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Jan 11 2011
1 Comment
Justice, Value

Love 146


Today Is National Human Trafficking Awareness Day:

My heart is full to write for stories of passion.  Sadly, they are not always tales of inspiration.  I am a steadfast believer that if we want to change anything in this world, we must subject ourselves to some things that are not so pretty.  Not really a slice of “American” pie.  I think that we have to see and learn about some things that tear at our guts…wrench our insides, slap us with their brutality… because we must realize that this world is not a glamorous place.  For many, it is the scariest place.  For many, their life and freedom has been taken violently and that is a reflection of how they see this world.

This is a dirty place that we inhabit, filled with the rotting of humankind left to their ways.  We can hardly be distinguished from the mire.  But there is a Great Hope.  His name is Jesus.  We are those who are dirty, desperately needing rescue yet denying our deep need with a haughty pride.  The picture above is from the website 146.org, and I just read one of those dirty stories.. the horrifyingly true ones that we turn our eyes from.  While it is painful and leaves you feeling hurt and hopeless inside, education is the only way to create change in a real way.  If we don’t know about the atrocities going on in far-off places, how will we do anything to stop them?  If we don’t acknowledge that there is still child slavery, even in our own destitute regions, how will our mind be awakened to a solution?

We have to act.  With intentionality, with justice, and with foresight.  Don’t ignore what you aren’t directly experiencing… be a voice and understand that the plight of these people–these children–is all too real.

Please read, if you have a moment:  http://love146.org/love-story

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