Tag Archives: health

Mar 26 2013
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Conscientious, Education, reflection

Fight The System, Then Get Some Sleep.


The theme that runs rampant in my life, like an overgrown invasive species (I envision Kudzu, because it’s everywhere all over Illinois and I know it takes over every living thing like crazy) branching out so effortlessly in many places, would have to be “Fighting The System.”  We question a lot of things in our household–I feel we are in an era where we must think for ourselves, discuss things, not let the media and popular belief choose for us what we will do with our lives.  There is a lot that you can lose by believing everything you see, or by being led astray by the notion that you can just trust corporations, brands, marketing, advertising, commercials, etc.  On the contrary, most of them are lying to your face as they smile a toothy, perfectly white, smile.  Greedily motivated by money, in many cases, these corporations are not trustworthy, (unfortunately, also including the medical profession in many cases) and you must do your own research and learn your own lessons if you are to be a wise consumer in any way.

So when it comes to life, we are conscientious, captive-minded consumers.  By captive-minded (hence the name of this blog), I mean we keep our minds keenly aware of our environments and we hold our mind’s captive to be educated and learn things worthwhile.  We try to sleep with one eye open and be wary of new trends or new ideas until we’ve thoroughly investigated them.  We listen to a sermon or sit in an audience with our eyes on the speaker, but our brains still working.  We don’t take their word as God’s word, we go weigh what was said against scripture.  Anyhow, we don’t want to be meanhearted, but we want to seek truth.  I have noticed lately that I can get really cynical, really upset about the state of our world.  I can feel so distraught that I cannot simply trust people with my child, trust what people will do for him and how he will be taken care of… and really angry that all food is not good food–not even most of it.  But you know what?  My hope isn’t here.  My hope is not in God’s Green Earth, as much as I do love it.  I love the earth, I want to recycle, and I want it to last for future generations.  But as much as I do, I also realize that humankind has a destructive, irrational gene in  its makeup: where we should be content, we try for just a bit more.  When we should be happy with one handful, we take two.  So I must know, as long as this world is a broken wreck that God has to restore, it will not be everything I hope for it to be.  Motivations will be twisted.  Ecosystems destroyed.  Lives lost to greedy wants and wishes.  I can try to save my son from every contaminant, poison, and cleaning supply that was invented… but he will be touched by some of it simply by living in this world.

My hope is not in fighting the system.  My hope is in the fact that it’s a broken one.  This is not, and never will be, how my life and this world were created.  I believe in a God who created a system that works together so beautifully, so symbiotically and systematically, that it can do nothing other than show us a peek at the Creator’s glory.  A speck of what is to be.  I await the day when creation and creator will be reconciled.  My hope is in the return of Christ, in His continual work within me, and His love for all humanity.  That deep within us, there is a story that speaks of more.  We are all trying to fill that void, and those who greedily stuff things deep into their pockets at the expense of others (or rainforests, or babies, or puppies..) are trying to do the same thing.  They want more, more, more, because they know in their heart of hearts that they were meant for more than this mere bleak existence that they may be experiencing.

So I will be an activist.  I will continue to speak for things that I believe in.  I will fight the system with gusto!  With fervor!  With passion!  I am a zealot for many topics, namely: real food, saving the lives of unborn babies, and issues of education & parenting.  But I have to realize at the end of the night, my hope and my soul rest in more than these things, and that I have done what I can.  Recently, I have really been wrestling with vaccines.  August is currently vaccinated, but the more I read, the more weary I feel.  The more I know, the more burdened I feel his tiny body is with the weight of the chemicals and nasty additives going into his system.  I know that I was vaccinated and I turned out okay.  I know that Troy was also.  But still there is a big, huge doubt.  It seems like a vicious cycle and evil necessity… Something I don’t want to do but feel pressure to.  I know that there are many diseases that would probably be killing mass portions of our populations these days if people were not vaccinated against them.  My counsin reminded me about Polio, and how so many probably wish a vaccination was invented when they were dealing with that crippling disease.  Without a vaccination, these may still be huge issues of our time.  But still, I see so much wrong with vaccinations.  Why do babies have to be injected with things that contain such nasty ingredients?  Mercury?  Aluminum?  I’m horrified.  Not to mention that we have no idea how Autism, Cancer, and Alzheimer’s Disease really come to be.  It scares me.  This is a place where I have to trust God.  This is a place where I have to do my best, do my part, and then shut off the lights and get some sleep.

Mothers are asked to be everything.  Waitress.  Chauffeur.  Counselor.  Referee.  Friend.  Nutritionist.  Comforter.  Jungle-Gym.  The list could go on forever and ever.  Quality time and quantity time are so different, and I am doing the best I can.  So I must fight the system in my ways, I must do what I feel is necessary to make informed decisions, but then I must put my hope in higher ground.  Not in others’ opinions, not in trends and tradition.  I cannot wear myself to the bone and then some.  My hope is in Christ.  And in Him I can let my hair down, cry my eyes out, or talk until I have nothing left to say, I can be everything I know I am and still be accepted.

All my love,

-M

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Dec 05 2012
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Family, Fitness, Food Activism, Nutrition

New Diet: Think Again


Weightloss.  That’s what we all think about when it comes to dieting.  But I’m really not concerned with that right now.  After having August, breastfeeding has done a stellar job of taking me down to my normal weight–I just have to tone my pregnancy-induced muscle loss.  I feel pretty good about my bod, honestly.  However, my bod doesn’t always feel so great.  Much of the time, it hurts.

I’ve spoken about my issues with stress sometimes.  Not a whole lot, but when I’ve felt I should.  I mostly want to talk about it occasionally to allow others to know what I seek to know as well, “You are not alone.”  My hubby  knows how difficult it’s been for me, since he lives with me day-in and day-out.  He knows how deep it can run.  Most of it lies in the fact that I just seem to have inherited a set of genes prone to stress, anxiety, and depression. A set of genes that is sensitive.  Sorry if it’s TMI, but oh well–I get constipated after riding in a car for two or three hours.  That’s not normal.  I can not let go of problems, sometimes for years.  That’s NOT normal.  It runs in my family, as well as other neurotic behaviors and personality types.  In the winter, I get SAD.  In the summer and spring when it’s very sunny for long stretches of the day, I feel high sometimes (in a very happy, “look on the brighter side” sort of way) as the sunshine seeps into my skin.  This is not a very productive way of living.  It borders on insanity, and it also borders on manic depressive.

That said, though genes are powerful, I know that we have power in choice.  One of the huge lessons we can learn from God’s decision to let us choose to love Him, not just make us automatons who “love” him without choice.  Anyhow, I have run into many people who seem like they’ve given up on life.  I have great reason to not follow in their path.  Though I’ve been tempted many times in the past few months to do just that.  I’m going at this with my full force, because I have too much to live for.  Too much to hope for.  I can’t give up on my life.  It may be hard for some to understand these things, but that’s okay.  I can’t always understand other people’s issues and problems, either.

So we’ve tried a lot of things.  I have done acupuncture, and successfully used it during pregnancy to destress.  I’ve done herbal remedies, yoga, working out for endorphine release, lots of things.  I was previously a vegetarian, but don’t think that’s the way my body is made to be nourished.  Now, we are trying a new approach.  Per my nutritionist, I am going on the Page Diet, Phase 2.  Today is actually my second day of being on it, and let me say, I feel like crap!  But if this puppy does the trick, I will stick to it.

Here’s the basis of the Page Diet:  Paleo, basically.  Protein 3 x a day (from pastured, free-range animals, which we are currently trying to figure out); as many of certain vegetables as you want.  I can have quinoa, Ezekiel bread, or oats 2-3 times a week, but no more.  Limited fruits (I can only have a few fruits, which is so weird to me… Apples, grapes, and a few others) and NO sugar.  Of course, we can’t totally avoid it, but sugar is something I am supposed to try to completely avoid.  Along with that, eliminate processed flours and grains.  I can have butter, nuts to some degree, plenty of water, and of course I’m jumping with joy…. I can still have coffee if I don’t overdo it.  When we came home from our visit to see my Doc, we had to take a huge deep breath.  It seemed there was nothing in our pantry, or in the fridge, or in the freezer, that we could eat.  Last night, we had heaps of Kale with loads of butter and sea salt, topped with Kalamata olives.. and it wasn’t half bad.  But I still felt hungry.  We’re going to have to get on this grass-fed beef thing, or we’re going to be skin and bones!  We’re having to rethink everything, and will probably be ordering offline and going to Trader Joe’s more.

If you want to know more about it, check out this link, but I’m going to give this my best.  After this, my other options are far more medical, and I really don’t want to be on medication.  You probably know why if you’ve been reading for any time at all.  : )

I believe in food as a natural healer, an amazing resource we’ve been given, but can food really do this for me?  Balancing my blood-chemistry makes a whole lot of sense.  Half of the time, I feel like I could faint, and feel far too edgy.  I am intrigued that a few weeks ago I started to do gluten-free, after experimenting with what was causing me problems, and then my nutritionist recommended this diet.  I didn’t know how reliant I am on sugar, and today when I woke up with a headache, shakiness, and feeling very weak, I knew I was having withdrawals.  This amazes me, because I try to eat a healthy diet!  However, fruits really do have a lot of sugar, and your bod can’t deal with all of that.  So I’m having to learn this the hard way now.

I’ll keep you in tune with what’s going on here at our place; I’ll update you with how I’m feeling after a few days.  Hubs is going to do this with me, but is also going to eat things off the diet if he wants them.

Here’s to your health, and mine.  Haha.

All my love,

-M

 

 

 

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May 17 2011
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Education, Endurance, Motivation, Priorities, Time Management, Value

Procrastination is A Beautiful Letdown


When I procrastinate–as I am currently doing by updating my blog–it’s a letdown.

I get into this anxiety-inducing coma of thoughts… my fearful thoughts envelop me, cause me to come dangerously close to nervous breakdown territory, and then create enough freaked out momentum to propel me through my procrastination haze with great torrents of gusto and enthusiasm.  This period of time is usually birthed out of great encouragement from my friends, husband, and to-do-list.. all cheering me “ONWARD!  You can do this!  Do it… Don’t stop now.. you’re so close!”  Through their prodding and enticing words, I look at my tasks ahead and decide that the night before is just as good a time as any to begin.

(Brief interlude: Why do I do this to myself, you may ask?  Well–friend, the fact is this… it does produce results.  Procrastination works for both my husband and I.. occasionally helping, with God’s grace, to make exceptional pieces of work that may not have been created otherwise–there is so much tension, so much last minute energy, that we work very hard in a short amount of time.  If we planned things out to a T, and did things before hand, it just wouldn’t be so exciting.  I think that’s the only good explanation for why we seem to habitually fall into this mode of operation.  I’m not condoning it.. just saying that it is one way to get things accomplished.  However, we go through great amounts of unnecessary stress, frustration, and sometimes get ourselves in a bind because of it. )

So at this stage of the game, when I’m finally pushed into overdrive, I am in a frenzy.  My mind goes through different periods of a totally on guard, awake, hyper-drive mode… then switches to a black out mode where I seem to misplace everything, turn the wrong burner on while cooking… and talk to my husband in half-sentences that he must work to decipher.  Most likely because I am thinking of all the crap I haven’t done, that I must do, and don’t have my mind on the things that I am currently trying to do. Not a delightful place to be.

As the semester closes, I am so ready to be done I can taste it.  I have one final tomorrow (a devilishly difficult one.. seems as though our prof has given us a curve ball exam, and I hardly recognize the study guide as material we learned!) and a presentation of my portfolio (which I should take pride in, as its a representation of my whole career as an undergrad) and that’s IT!

The story with my portfolio is this: It includes so many components of my life, my coursework, my passions, that it is something I should be able to love–easily.  The upside: I began it about a month ago, to get ahead of the curve.  The downside: I am just now sitting down to complete it (before tomorrow).  Oopsies.  Well, I have all of this built up fear, all of this anxiety about not having finished it yet… and I sit down to make myself do it.

I dawdle a bit.  Then I open up the files to work on them, get on the livetext website I am using to present it.. and what do I realize?  Goodness, the end is not nearly so far as I had imagined.  My project has fewer dilemmas to work out, less problematic aspects, and more fun to it than I realized!  This happens often with the things in life I MUST to do.  As I procrastinate… my fear of working on a project increases.  It expands and warps until suddenly, my once small and doable task has turned into a terrible creature that I cannot recognize.

I do this to myself.  And, I can say, it has gotten better.  The more often I’ve done it, the more I can see this pattern of imagining things as far worse than they truly are… and realizing I’ve done that.  Realizing I’ve created a monster that doesn’t exist.  I have freaked myself out and procrastinated, when it’s really not all that bad.

Ha.

So… this putting things off habit–which I don’t do all the time, but usually do when I feel like I can’t complete something properly, can be a beautiful letdown.  Yes, indeed, there is hope for us all.  A wonderful disappointment.  Because though I have done it again, I have come a little bit closer to working with myself and understanding myself.

Aren’t we amusing creatures?

Okey dokey smokey.  I must get down to business.

Thanks for letting me procrastinate just a bit more.

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Feb 16 2011
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reflection, Relationships

Friendship healing.


This heaven-sent weather has been humbling.

God has assured me, as He graciously does every year (like a parent does for a small child, who needs the reassurance) that Spring will yet again come to greet me.  The long winter was certainly difficult for me to endure.  This beautiful day makes me look up at the sky, with wide-eyed wonder and childlike amazement,  just sighing with contentment and joy.  I feel so tiny in the gigantic scheme of creation, yet important enough to know that my Father sent me a beautiful day that brings peace and tranquility to my heart.  As someone who truly is affected by the swings and sways of the seasons, I can tell you I’m overjoyed at breezes and sunshine.  Today I was able to go on a walk with one of my best friends.  Somehow, we always connect on the most deep levels, without even trying.  We’ve made time for each other in our lives, but God did most of the work.  She spoke words of healing to me, which sunk in deeply… penetrating who I am, and my perceptions of Me.

Let me tell you some things about her.  She and I are totally different.  We share many interests and likes, but the similarities stop there.  Our personalities are about as different as they come: she is more reserved and very quiet around people she doesn’t know.. I often blurt things out and laugh loudly.  We met as roommates, two new transfers to our college.  When I first met her, I wondered what God was doing?!  “This isn’t the kind of friend I always have!  She’s nothing like me!  She doesn’t talk!  She must not like me…”   Little did I know, she was pretty much thinking, “This girl talks so much!”  Haha.

Over the months, and now years, Sam has brought me so much joy, so much insight through who she is, and comfort. We’ve laughed–almost to the point of peeing our pants… We’ve also cried.  We took a road trip.  We’ve been crazy together.  We do a lot of things that just make life worth living.  She has given me faith in friendship–she has been there for me.  Most of all, lately, I see how her friendship has brought me a deep healing, something that only God can start in motion, and something He continues to support.  Healing through things I never thought I’d be able to overcome, Healing for things that I had long given up on.  She has come to my rescue more times than I can count, being a sister to me and loving me even in failures.  In our friendship, it’s been a constant “in-my-face” revelation of how our differences are beautiful; how I could never have picked this friend for myself, No–only God knew that I would need her so much in my life.  Her friendship brings freedom, and it brings acceptance to my soul.

This time of life has not been easy for me.  I have dealt with stress and anxiety issues (mostly physical ones that you can feel all over your body) since I was about 12.  It has been crippling.  It has debilitated me in many instances.  In some places of my life, I felt I was losing everything, and losing myself because of it.  I am telling this story because I hope someone can benefit from it.  So many people have reached out to me through my issues and problems; but I am especially thankful for Sam & her family.  Her mom is a Psychologist, and has helped me immensely through her love & expertise.  She uses a technique called Neurofeedback, which is, essentially a “training session” for your brain.  Well, it appears that my brain has been wired the wrong way, something is haywire, and my stress response is always in “fight or flight” mode.  It can affect my life . It has made some days a living hell.  All-in-all, with Neuro, I’m seeing results.  Real ones.  Progress.  Though it’s a road paved with ups and downs, just day-to-day struggles with it, panic & anxiety can be overcome by God’s grace.  If you have issues with these things, think of training your brain–it has done amazing things.  So it is through this healing friendship, and the non “coincidence” that we came to be roommates, that God has given me tools to change the course of my future, dealing with these problems.  I know that my God is an Awesome one, and that He’s leading me to recovery.  It’s a beautiful thing, and I know it’s just the beginning.

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Jan 19 2011
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Justice, Self-Image, Value

Unmasking Beauty


She wakes up about two hours before she needs to leave the house, to get to school on time.  Her beauty routine is a ritual: long shower and a smooth shave, moisturized skin, and a blowout for her long dark tresses.  After blow-drying, she straightens her hair as well.  It has to be flawless.  Then the next step of this preparation task is to put on her “face.”  Makeup is piled on in a very professional manner: foundation, then eyeliner, blush, eyelashes are curled, and mascara is applied.  If necessary, bronzer is also delicately placed where it most accentuates the lines of her face.


When the routine has been run through, she steps back and looks in the mirror to critique every aspect.  She stands in a towel, searching for meaning in her appearance.  She stands looking for her worth.  If she passes the inspection, then it’s a GO.  Time to dress her best.  She rummages through her stores of clothing, an array of material goods.  Though she has so many things, none of them are the right ones.  Sometimes she sits on the edge of her bed, head in hands, and begins to weep.  Feeling sorry for herself and believing that she’s ugly and unfit for the world to see, she wants to crawl into a hole.  Nothing fits right, nothing looks glamorous.

What I’m describing to you is a situation that occurs every morning in the lives of so many women and girls.  They are of many different shapes and sizes, but that doesn’t matter: they aren’t what they think they should be.  This particular story is my own, and now I’ve shared it with you.  The competing factors that tie into my decade-long obsession with perfection, beauty, meaning, and worth are numerous and hazy at best, but I know it’s something between my Creator and I.  Acceptance.  It’s not easy for me to talk about this regularly, but I feel that I need to because it’s a part of my life–God has redeemed me from it, and I want to work towards helping others redeem their understanding of natural beauty as well.

There’s a clear fact that I think the world tries to hide, because of its greedy desires (for money, for power, etc).  This unmistakable truth is that we all, every human being on the planet, need exposure and access to beauty.  I am speaking of real beauty, truth.  It is something that rings and resonates in our souls as pure and untainted.  The world tries to recreate everything it can: it molds beauty this way and that with its greedy claws.  It broadcasts the latest trends and the most hip diets for everyone to become addicted to.  It showcases models of “beauty” down red carpet catwalks–these remnants of people delicately display protruding hips, thin lips, and designer platform shoes.  This is the example of beauty to so many young people in our world.  When they find that they can’t replicate this model appearance, because their body was made by God and not in the image of this world’s “ideals,” it is deeply painful and quite like torture for them.

I had subscriptions to flim-flam beauty mags and consumer-minded websites like the rest of the teens I knew when I was younger: and it broke me down.  Looking at the prices of the clothing the models wore (Who pays $500 dollars for a torn up ratty t-shirt?) my hunger to be thin and “sexy” like those models grew, but I also lusted after material possessions that were absolutely unnecessary.  I fell victim to lies that big business owners willingly spin in order to create more revenue.  This cycle of my life took place during (more or less) my first years in high school.  I was possibly the thinnest I had ever been, at 110 lbs and 5’4″ tall, yet to my horror I considered myself fat.

Through all of this, I have found a deep passion and longing within to create a movement towards beauty and truth.  A movement towards acceptance and appreciation for God’s creation, especially the unique mold He used to form each woman separately, differently.  Every day we buy into the lies of consumerist moguls: “You can’t go out without makeup on!  Your ugly uneven skin will be there for all to see!”  Every day we think about how to improve the youthfulness of ourselves, putting on creams and using special tricks we read about (yes, even at the young age of 14 I began using those…) to make us ever more attractive.

The book “Captivating” by John & Stasi Eldredge helped me to see some of these things in my life more clearly, and also helped me to heal from the wounds of deception.  Each day, I try to listen fully when my husband tells me lovingly “You are beautiful,” and I believe him.  I try to take time to nourish my mind and soul, and to be near to beauty in any form.  Accepting yourself and becoming confident in who you are, without all the extras, is a very powerful and inspiring thing.  When we unmask ourselves our real beauty is allowed to peek through the defenses we put up with our self-care routines.  I believe it’s a tool that God gives women to inspire and embolden others, and a weapon of defense that many hope we never learn how to wield.  There is so much beauty in the world, and it should serve as an important signal to us about who God is.  He is the essence of beauty and truth; He created so much of it.  His creation is a reflection of who He is.  We need to stop allowing lies to spread, and show younger generations how real beauty is portrayed.

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Dec 02 2010
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Uncategorized

Yoga + Cat + Dog


Oh The Joy of Yoga!

Contrary to popular belief, Yoga is not a solitary practice that one individual partakes in.  No… You can practice with your dog or cat joining in, as I did today.  I was doing a little routine, the regular poses I do for stress relief and toning… when my very cuddly and needy little ones (gabby & shadow) decided to join in.  They didn’t need their own cute little pet-sized mats, they used mine.

This is the pose I was doing when my dog first joined me.  It seems fitting, as it’s called “DownDog”

I love to do yoga!  While I don’t do it as regularly now, for a workout, I do it more now for just a piece of quiet, to calm my mind, and to reflect on how God created my body.  It’s good to get in touch with your physical body, not just your mind.. our bodies seem to be the first thing we neglect.  The joy of Yoga increases tenfold when your dog joins you!  Imagine me, (that’s not me, but imagine it is) and now add a funny pantomime of my dog wiggling his way between my two arms, up past my head, and licking my face in the meantime.  He seemed to think this was a sort of junglegym, made by yours truly, for him to play in.  He managed to wind in and out a few times, repeatedly licking me, as if to ask what I was doing!

By this time, I was rolling with laughter.. I could hardly keep my pose.

Then he jumped up on the couch, and I thought I was left to my yoga again.  But gabby decided to do something hilarious, too.  Oh I love having these two in our lives.  They’re amazing.

I was doing this pose, when Gabby decided to have some fun too: Updog.

What did Gabby do?  She crawled onto my bright red mat, from the bottom where my toes were, and began to crawl up my left leg, Meowing as she went.  Then she firmly planted herself right on my bottom.  I smiled at her, and thought she would probably just jump off, but she crawled onto my shoulders a few minutes later.  This was my ending pose, and she sat on my back,


And it’s called… The Cat Stretch Pose..  Sometimes, they really make my day!  When I take the time to slow down, it’s normal to be rewarded by these funny things that I might pass by otherwise.

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