There is so much I want to write about right now, but it’s kind of jumbled up and discombobulated in my brain as of now. Organization. Life and death. Family stories. Mommyhood and the changing of times. Why one should even bother to write. But… I will focus on a better overarching idea I am able to grasp right now– changing life seasons. The more I look at my life, the more I realize I must think in seasons–realizing that nothing is ever permanent but the constant change, nothing on this Earth ever sticks except the tides of our place in this world. Only eternal things are forever, and those are mostly unseen.
Ecclesiastes 3:11. That, as I’ve recently decided, is my life verse. I ran across this idea of having a defining verse to live life by while reading the book “Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Contentment,” by Linda Dillow. I would highly recommend it to any woman, anywhere. I’ve been reading it off and on for the last year (I’m a serial reader… I will pick up a book for two weeks, or two days, read for awhile, and then continue on to another… and then return to it a few months later. It’s how I’ve always been, and I’ve stopped fighting the insanity.) and it has certainly proven to me that there are always grains of wisdom to gather from the challenges of others. That’s also why I usually try to share my own challenges… in a way that isn’t judgemental, and isn’t in-your-face to tell you how to do and what to do. If I’m doing that ever, I hope you can help to gently correct me. But I want to share my tough points, and my high points, because I want to be real. I have seen far too little sincerity and transparency in the world around me, and I try to live my life in graceful opposition to that.
So, about my life verse. Ecclesiastes 3:11 reads, “He has made everything beautiful in its own time. He has set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what he has planned from beginning to end.”
This verse is two-fold for me, in application to my life. The first part, “He has made everything beautiful in its own time,” really reflects the struggle I have faced most of my life and for my teenage years. Which I am just now feeling more free of. At the age of twenty-four, I am now starting to feel as though I can look with a more even-keeled and objective eye at my past. Some of it will probably never make sense to me, but some of it does now. God’s revealing some truths to me, and allowing me to see some of my family history in a new light I never did.
When I was in high school, I struggled with an eating disorder. Sorry if this is a shock to you, but it’s the truth. If this ever comes up in conversation, I will admit openly that I had bulemia, because to be truthful God deserves His glory. I honestly believe I’d still be stuck in a very vicious cycle of pain, self-hatred, and constant image issues if my God weren’t powerful and mighty to save. Compassionate and caring toward me. This first part of the verse reminds me that “He has made everything beautiful in its time,” meaning ME. God made me beautiful for my time–as He also made others for theirs. This verse also allows me to see the beautiful narrative in my painful struggle. If I had never struggled with this, I wouldn’t have the testamony that I do. I wouldn’t have had to realize how powerful and protective my God can be. Furthermore, God used my husband to help heal me from much of this. I realized how God uses people in such a strong way when he gave Troy to me. And that is a beautiful thing. When I say beautiful, I don’t necessarily mean outward beauty. I mean the inward stories we all have. The beauty which God brought to us by helping us and walking with us through our darkest and most painful life events.
This part of the verse has also been especially helpful to me when I see a person and begin to judge them. Begin to wonder what purpose they could possibly have. I remember that God made them beautiful in their own time, and that they have a purpose. It’s really helpful when dealing with difficult people.
The second part of my own life verse is just really cool to me. “He has set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” I have always had a childlike fascination with a lot of the things that God has done. Nature around me, eternity, lots of things. This is a reminder to me to keep that in my spirit–to keep on looking around me and going, “My gosh, how did God DO this!?” I want to never forget, I want to always be jumping up and down in excitement, not afraid to make a fool of myself because I’m in awe of God’s glory. It also speaks to me about how in control He is, and how not in control we are. He is the great mystery, and it’s something we will always be seeking after. His mystery. I love it.
And as I look at everything, at the whole of this verse which I try to apply to myself daily, I see the seasonal awareness that God seems to nudge us towards. That the seasons are going to ebb and flow probably from now until my life takes its leave from this world. It seems that God wants us to see that there is a time for all things, but we will not see His plans and purposes in full-view during this life. It’s always a pull and tug. This season, that season. A time for weeping or a time for dancing. Whatever season you’re going through, I hope that God will use it to strengthen you and draw him closer.