Filed under Priorities …

Feb 01 2013
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Baby, Mommyhood, Pregnancy, Priorities, Value, Womanhood

My Approach: Gentle Lactivism


6months16

I stumbled on the word “Lactivism” a few months ago, and I loved it instantly.
I am and always will be an activist at heart: the champion of my causes to the grave. I care about mothers and babies and breastfeeding, I care about unborn babies. I care about animals, everyone’s right to eat nutritious and wholesome food, and I also care about education and healthcare, as well as natural remedies and our bodies’ awesome abilities to heal themselves. I strongly believe in protecting God’s green Earth and it’s wonderful bounty! If we were being super thorough, I’d have to keep listing more and more topics because my interests and passions are extensive. But these are the main ones.

There are ways to be an activist, and there are many styles of it. Not all of them work extraordinarily well; not all of them are suited to every person–or will appeal in the least to them.

Since I care deeply about mamas and their young, I care deeply about how they are treated and the rights that they have. I want to be someone they can turn to, a voice in the silence when they think nobody else is thinking about what their mind’s eye is on. I want to be an arm outstretched and a comforting person. BUT I have to know when someone is interested in having me fit that role for them. This goes for breastfeeding. Come on, we all KNOW “Breast Is Best.” Every new mother knows that its what she should do–it’s constantly discussed and held up high, and we all realize that it provides a vast amount of benefits. Unless they are under a rock, they know that breastfeeding is strongly encouraged. But some mamas have a very hard time with it, and some ladies have experiences that make it excruciatingly difficult to breastfeed. As a lactivist, I must know this, own it, and see it for the truth that it is. Not every woman is going to be able to do it.

HOWEVER: I see this, and I have heard other women’s stories, grieved with them that they were unable to do what they had hoped for their little ones. Kind of like what happened to me with my would-be natural waterbirth. I know that their babies are still going to be vibrant and healthy thanks to God’s grace and provision. But I will always practice gentle lactivism. I try not to be in anyone’s face about it. I try to use my actions more than my words in order to practice what I believe in, but not step on other mothers’ sensitive and already possibly wounded spirits. I compare it to my belief in Christ, and my walk with Him. Untold numbers of people have been hurt by the church (myself included) and do not want to hear me preaching to them. They don’t want to hear about Christ or what I have been through and how He’s led and loved me. But they will see it as I live my life, and that speaks volumes more than I ever can with my voice.

So what do I do to practice my gentle brand of lactivism? I make sure everyone knows that I breastfeed. I am not shy about it, and I am vocal when August needs a meal! I will say, “I’m going to give August a nursing!” to my husband within anyone’s earshot. I blog about it (like I’m doing now) and talk about it openly and let people know how well it’s going for me! I have had friends without kids ask me about it, ask if it hurts, etc. I am super honest and open with them, and no questions are off-limits when they are curious and want to know. Too few mothers and matriarchs are leading the young women they are surrounded by, and I won’t do that. I want to show other women what is working for me, so that they have something to go off of when they need to know what will work for them. What I do know about my experience is that I did a TON of reading and researching before I actually had to breastfeed my guy when he was born. I knew the possibilities of what could go wrong, and what I could do to try to counteract them. I read really positive stories about women and their great nursing experiences. I tried to beef myself up on facts and good experiences, because it seems our culture only talks loudly about the bad ones (in every area of life, not just bf-ing)and that can be SO hard for a new mom! I felt the sting of so many women who had wanted to tell me their sob stories and angry stories starting out, and that is NOT appropriate to do to a new or pregnant mom. Seriously, quit it folks–know when to share and when to keep it to yourself. I turned my ears off in many instances and asked the Lord to protect me from their negative effects.

Another way I try to be available to new and expectant ladies is this: I will nurse in public to a certain degree, and have even recently nursed with a man nearby (successfully & discreetly!) and without exposing myself. I was pretty proud–if my baby needs to eat, he’s not going to have to wait until a convenient time! I get grouchy if I can’t have a snack when I need one. Haha. But that’s half the solution. Our culture has so wounded women by sexualizing them on nearly every level, and boobs are included. The breast is a FASCINATING, AMAZING functional part of every woman’s anatomy, and the capable and useful feeling of feeding your child with your own body is even more amazing. Our country in particular has robbed women of this, and we need to take back what’s rightfully ours. We need to be free of the notion that we are hussies, sluts, or whatever other horrible term people will throw at you when you’re breastfeeding in a way that someone else might have an inkling of what you’re up to. The gentle, sweet, and so-perfect act of nursing your little one is so far from the sexualized mindset–I believe so many are not able to understand the place it even comes from. They only see a woman for that side of things, and so they will have a hard time with it.

So, gentle lactivism in my book is one part actions speaking louder than words, one part not being afraid to tell people about my experiences when they are curious, and one part counter-cultural confidence about my feeding my son, and how very right it is.

I thought I would share my view on this, because I think so many women can relate or understand or learn from it. I’m sure we’ve all been given “the talk” on numerous subjects dealing with childrearing and pregnancy–from some wise lady who wants to tell you what’s up. I had numerous women try to do that with me during my pregnancy and I just wasn’t up for it. They were people who I didn’t know very well, and they were quite invasive. So I wanted to share how I go about being passionate with this topic, but not insensitive to others.

All my love,

-M

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Sep 10 2012
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Conscientious, Family, Priorities, Value

It only takes a minute, sometimes.


I picked up the phone.  I was going to call my grandparents, but I didn’t know exactly what to say.  I went over a possible conversation in my head, thought about all that was going on currently, and decided it would probably be better to just wing it with a big dose of heartfelt love.  In those moments on the phone, I didn’t say anything deep and moving to my last living set of grandparents.  I didn’t tell them anything profound, and they didn’t transmit a generation’s worth of wisdom into my brain magically.  However, those moments were very important.

I want my interactions with others to be meaningful.  So much, sometimes, that I forget that I don’t have to overthink them.  I don’t have to put  them painstakingly together.  I want to make each action and discussion important and make it worthwhile.  But it could be that I’m missing one important factor: just being there, in a moment.  When I called my grandpa, I wished him a happy grandparents’ day.  I said that I love him, and that I miss him.  That I was thinking of him.  He said that truly means the world to him.  It was a very sweet, tender moment.

Then I got off the phone with him.  My grandma told me that I had made my gramps very happy, just by calling.  My mom later told me that he had tears in his eyes.  A phone call had meant so much.  I didn’t do anything monumental or sacrifical for him, and I didn’t go far out of my way.  A ten minute phone call–is that really good enough?  The problem with me, sometimes, is that I cook up this grandiose plan that is so involved and innovative.  I think of how awesome it would be if I could follow through and make it happen.  Sometimes I do these things for others, and then other times they fall through.  I create this big template for how to care for others but I forget that simple everyday actions mean so much more most of the time.

A minute.  Ten minutes.  A phone call.  Important.  My gramps has kidney disease now, and it’s progressing.  The age-old truth that we are mortals, that we won’t last forever, is ringing true.  It’s so hard to see another person vanish and become someone that is only half of the person you knew them to be–but it seems to be a good reminder for me take each day and live it with love.  He has to have home assistance now–he was in the hospital this past weekend, because of a blood clot that was caused by a fall he took a few weeks back.  He told me that this thing is trying to whip him, but that he wasn’t going to let it.  Oh how I love his attitude!

And as it always has been for me, he’s a true picture of a great man.  He speaks with kindness to his family and others.  He lived his life in moments, not too busy for me or too wrapped up in his own affairs.  I want to be that kind of mom, friend, wife.  I can recall so many memories from my childhood that he was able to share life with me in the simple, little pleasures of everyday things.  He took a few minutes to show me his stamp collection.  He took awhile to catch a bunch of frogs with me one summer.  We’d write letters back and forth, and he would type them on his cool typewriter.  These are the things I will never forget about him, and these are the minutes that made a world of difference in my childhood.  He has a great legacy of kindness.  Of whistling while he worked.  Of a cheerful and joyful heart.

We have to live in those minutes, in those seconds that we have with one another–because our life is made up of them.

Moments that come and go in just a flash. 

Our lives will not last forever, and so we must take those seconds and make them count!  Constantly checking cell phones, thinking of tomorrow, planning our escapes.  Is this how we want to be?  I feel like it’s a constant tug of war over our brains and affections.  And if we breathe… if we let go… if we realize that our very lives depend on one another and the tiny fragments of being that we hold on to with each other, we will recall that true living involves very little but means so very much.

-M

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Dec 29 2011
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Conscientious, Education, Environment, Justice, Nutrition, Priorities

A Question for Consumers


We, as consumers, trust so many things to so many people! People we have yet to meet–people who govern, or sit on boards, or are simply the inventors of products–and of course, the people who set our own country’s standards at the FDA etc. People who may or may not have our good in mind when they sell us things–or may have their own greedy, and money-lusting endeavors in mind. I’m not hoping to do a broad generalization here, but I think it’s important to question it all when it comes to your own decisions and money.

I long for the old days. Yep–I long for sacred Amish crafting, creating, and building. Because when you build something yourself, when you’ve made it with your own two hands, all you have to trust is your own abilities–and you already know the process that went into crafting that particular item. You don’t have to think long about how you made a homemade pie, or worry that some stray ingredient somehow landed in there. Conversely, you DO have to think about the assembly line that put together your child’s crib–and whether that crib was sprayed with chemicals, dyes, preservatives, whatever… that could one day create an issue for your child’s developing and growing body. Scary, indeed, especially for a pregnant mama.

Why do we trust so much? I think the key to this question is convenience. We trust because its accessible. Kind of like gossip–if you heard the news yesterday, and you heard it from numerous sources, the story must be how it went down, right? Not always. I think the same is true for so many different things we buy–we figure, well, I can buy this here, and here.. and there. So it must be good. Or this line of thinking: Everyone else is buying this brand, or this kind, or whatever it is… so it must be the trusted way to do things. I like simple when it comes to what I’m buying. I want the thing to BE what it says it is. I like understandable. So when I go looking, I want to come to the facts pretty quickly–and I’m sometimes shocked when I analyze a “trusted” brand or “trusted” way of doing things… to discover the ingredients or process of creation are far less than appealing.

Let me dare you to do something, with me. Become a conscious consumer. Become aware–even though it isn’t the convenient thing. Think about how the cleaning/cooking/household products you buy impact the environment (when was the last time you heard about vinegar hurting wildlife? Or.. baking soda causing unnecessary deaths in China?), and in turn, how those products can impact your body and your childrens’ bodies. Are you educated about what you consume? Simple questions. But oh–such tough answers.

Here’s the ultimate dare: Take one product from your kitchen (oh, it could even be mac n’ cheese), then take one product from your bathroom (maybe your shampoo?), and lastly take one product from your basement or garage (wherever your store all of those tough-job manly items such as caulk, paint, car cleaners, etc.) and take it upon yourself to look through the list of ingredients. If you’re really brave, enter some of the longer “methy-alca-bla-bla-bla’s” that you can barely pronounce into your search engine and see what comes up. I doubt the answer will have you asking to have a platter served up of said ingredient once you learn what it really is. Anti-caking agents. Binding agents. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

The biggest problem I have with all of this is people who simply accept. “Well, they put it in there, so it must be there for something!” I’m all about holding big-money corporations to their promises–and to strict guidelines. Often, the only reason they put something in there is because it’s the CHEAP way to do it. And gain a huge return, monetarily, because of it. There have often been no longitudinal studies performed about so much of this (how the chemical additives, or simply cheap additives, in our food and other products affect our bodies long term)–why would you risk it if you have a proven, safe alternative in front of you? Wouldn’t it be so much nicer to simply avoid exposing yourself, and your loved ones, to chemicals if you could? You can. I can. It may take a little creative thinking, or a little time, or some energy, but you can. I’m committed. This isn’t just the crazy nature mama (which I also am, sometimes) speaking. It’s also just common sense, pure and simple. I only hope to think a little harder when smacking down some cash–”What am I really buying? Can I make this myself? Is this healthy?” Nobody is looking out for you, but You, on the consumer side of things.

-M

p.s.
If you’re looking for some good recipes to make your own products at home, I’ve gone searching and found a few cool recipes. Passionate Homemaking always has amazing stuff, check it out! http://www.passionatehomemaking.com.

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Jul 12 2011
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Family, Marriage, Priorities, Value, Womanhood

Baby Boom!


Why hello, hello!
It has been awhile, has it not? My fault entirely. I need to be more dedicated to my writing. There has been a multitude of occasions and events, the holiday, and changes in life to account for my absence; but writing is my catharsis and synthesis–I should probably keep at it. I hope you were able to celebrate our emancipation with a good ounce of freedom running through your veins; the holiday just makes me want to be mischievous, do something a little out of the ordinary, and give thanks.

I believe the main topic I’d like to discuss is babies–in this post at least. It’s an overarching thing that newlyweds must tread lightly with, and certainly around. So many individuals are blossoming in the belly, and I feel like I’m being left behind in my stage of life! Of course, I’m not. Mind you, these blossomers are people I know and I don’t know… it seems like when you’re sensitive to something, it happens to be EVERYWHERE! In one evening, I may have counted four or five different preggos walking by my hubby’s work as I sat there, looking out the window. Since I was looking for them, it looked like they were the main population of our town. This is part of a cycle in life and human thought: Once we achieve the “next step” of life (i.e.; graduating from college, getting a career, becoming married… etc.) it seems that all of biology and humanity chime in to tell you, “OK! What’s next?” It’s also a human thing, trying to fill ourselves with something new and exciting instead of appreciating the moment, the people, the life that God has currently given us. Certainly something to combat, something to notice, and something to actively fight against with gratitude and acceptance of your current situation.

Anyhow, back to babies. The big question for married people, whether newly or otherwise, is clearly about childbearing. “Do you want to get pregnant?” I was asked at my first acupuncture appointment yesterday… Yes, I do. But no, not right now. That routine medical question reminded me of the fact that yes, I can and hopefully will be a mother sometime. Reality. Yet not quite yet. With lots of semi-acquaintances, and perhaps perfect strangers, talking about babies and when you should have them, it can be easy to get insecure about the whole thing. “Should I be having a baby!? Should we do that now? Wait… will we ever be ready for it? We need to PLAN for these kinds of things!” Yes. Planning is good. Planning is a wise thing, and I do believe God wants us to do our best with our resources. However–I also recently read a neato article that discussed Christians’ ideas about children, and how we think we can just “plan” our lives around them. Plan them, actually. If you think about it, it’s assuming to think that we can plan someone else’s life, especially when God is the one who really gives life. He is the one who makes the womb fertile. He is the one who decides that life will begin.

So I have to be careful and mindful of what I think about life, what I think about being a mother. What I think about my hopefully future children. I want it all to be in God’s hands, and with all of the competing, arguing views shouting at newlyweds, I have to try to drown out the noise and do His will. Not my own. Not theirs. Not the world’s fast-paced-lifestyle voice. His. And as I plan a baby shower for a sweet friend, I take note of things, cherish her pregnancy, and realize that it is such a beautiful thing. It is something to be in awe of and to be thankful for. While all of that is true, it can also be true that this single, young, semi-disorganized newlywed lifestyle is also a cherished and awesome place to be! Each stage of life has new challenges, new ideas, something to give a fresh take on the journey God has made.

And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. :)

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May 17 2011
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Education, Endurance, Motivation, Priorities, Time Management, Value

Procrastination is A Beautiful Letdown


When I procrastinate–as I am currently doing by updating my blog–it’s a letdown.

I get into this anxiety-inducing coma of thoughts… my fearful thoughts envelop me, cause me to come dangerously close to nervous breakdown territory, and then create enough freaked out momentum to propel me through my procrastination haze with great torrents of gusto and enthusiasm.  This period of time is usually birthed out of great encouragement from my friends, husband, and to-do-list.. all cheering me “ONWARD!  You can do this!  Do it… Don’t stop now.. you’re so close!”  Through their prodding and enticing words, I look at my tasks ahead and decide that the night before is just as good a time as any to begin.

(Brief interlude: Why do I do this to myself, you may ask?  Well–friend, the fact is this… it does produce results.  Procrastination works for both my husband and I.. occasionally helping, with God’s grace, to make exceptional pieces of work that may not have been created otherwise–there is so much tension, so much last minute energy, that we work very hard in a short amount of time.  If we planned things out to a T, and did things before hand, it just wouldn’t be so exciting.  I think that’s the only good explanation for why we seem to habitually fall into this mode of operation.  I’m not condoning it.. just saying that it is one way to get things accomplished.  However, we go through great amounts of unnecessary stress, frustration, and sometimes get ourselves in a bind because of it. )

So at this stage of the game, when I’m finally pushed into overdrive, I am in a frenzy.  My mind goes through different periods of a totally on guard, awake, hyper-drive mode… then switches to a black out mode where I seem to misplace everything, turn the wrong burner on while cooking… and talk to my husband in half-sentences that he must work to decipher.  Most likely because I am thinking of all the crap I haven’t done, that I must do, and don’t have my mind on the things that I am currently trying to do. Not a delightful place to be.

As the semester closes, I am so ready to be done I can taste it.  I have one final tomorrow (a devilishly difficult one.. seems as though our prof has given us a curve ball exam, and I hardly recognize the study guide as material we learned!) and a presentation of my portfolio (which I should take pride in, as its a representation of my whole career as an undergrad) and that’s IT!

The story with my portfolio is this: It includes so many components of my life, my coursework, my passions, that it is something I should be able to love–easily.  The upside: I began it about a month ago, to get ahead of the curve.  The downside: I am just now sitting down to complete it (before tomorrow).  Oopsies.  Well, I have all of this built up fear, all of this anxiety about not having finished it yet… and I sit down to make myself do it.

I dawdle a bit.  Then I open up the files to work on them, get on the livetext website I am using to present it.. and what do I realize?  Goodness, the end is not nearly so far as I had imagined.  My project has fewer dilemmas to work out, less problematic aspects, and more fun to it than I realized!  This happens often with the things in life I MUST to do.  As I procrastinate… my fear of working on a project increases.  It expands and warps until suddenly, my once small and doable task has turned into a terrible creature that I cannot recognize.

I do this to myself.  And, I can say, it has gotten better.  The more often I’ve done it, the more I can see this pattern of imagining things as far worse than they truly are… and realizing I’ve done that.  Realizing I’ve created a monster that doesn’t exist.  I have freaked myself out and procrastinated, when it’s really not all that bad.

Ha.

So… this putting things off habit–which I don’t do all the time, but usually do when I feel like I can’t complete something properly, can be a beautiful letdown.  Yes, indeed, there is hope for us all.  A wonderful disappointment.  Because though I have done it again, I have come a little bit closer to working with myself and understanding myself.

Aren’t we amusing creatures?

Okey dokey smokey.  I must get down to business.

Thanks for letting me procrastinate just a bit more.

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Mar 23 2011
1 Comment
Appreciation, Creativity, Priorities, reflection

What The Piano Taught Me


As I sit there, my fingers tenderly and carefully caress the keys…. I let them begin lingering over each one as though they were all precious to me.  And they are.  I gaze at them as though I have fallen in love with them anew.  As I begin to appreciate my days gone by, my years now far away, I see that each stage of life is precious like that.  There may be so many keys and each is different, but each is also precious with its specific, singular note.  Each note gives a different perspective, filling the room with a different mood, a different piece of musical life.  Coming together to create something that is capable of touching deeply, arousing feeling–emotion.  As the melody strings together under my fingers, racing quickly, I see that I am no longer in control of the tune.  It sweeps away as my fingers take themselves there.  I am merely a bystander in this entire act.

Life feels like this too, some days.  As though I am swept away with the tune.  Those weeks when your body is so tired… not from physical exertion, but from work!  It’s good, but tiresome nevertheless.  My piano sits in my office, usually untouched save the occasional moments, late at night, when I have a bit of time and I start to feel capable.  At the age of four, I began to play.  I played all through my school years, my parents valuing my lessons highly, and up through college as well.  My piano is something private usually, and I wasn’t a performer–I experienced nervousness from recitals.  I loved to play for myself, or for a friend who would jam with me.  At any rate, my years have become more jam packed with life, less available to the piano.  It sits there, beckoning me, but I am not as certain as I once was.  It’s like an old friend– you know that they’re there, but you may avoid them for the sake of distance and time between you.  You wonder if you still have all that much in common.  That’s how I feel about the piano.

The piano shows me that though we value a thing, we can distance ourselves from it and sometimes forget it altogether.  We may discuss it, we may remember it somewhat, but we haven’t made the time in our lives to give it priority.  Though I love it, I do not make time for it.  I have been working to create an atmosphere in my heart where I can put music and the love that dwells in it as a priority, but it’s difficult when papers need to be written and dishes cleaned… when errands must be run and I want to spend some quality time with my husband.  But deep down, I have to make this time, because it’s important to connect with the soul of it.  To embrace the feelings that only music can bring me as it flows through me.  To remember it for the next generations.

Something else it has shown me is a bit harder to deal with–though I love it, and I still consider myself a pianist, if I want to go back to it I must go through a painful fire of procedure.  Earning my way back to my intimacy with it.  My fingers have lost quite a lot of their former dexterity, and I must risk sounding like a novice without any experience as I gain that back.  I must fumble over the keys as a new musician would–trying to navigate, trying to learn how to play in the dark, only the shapes of the keys guiding.  This is the price of forgetting my love, the piano never leaves, it just keeps asking me to remember it again.

As I think of my devotion to this lovely instrument, I remember my dedication and commitment in previous times.  I must fight the business of life, the errands, the frivolity, and return to a first love of mine.  We must declare our loves or we will forget them!  We must genuinely show them our affection, or they may be gone and leave us wishing we’d been more intentional.  When I first fell in love, with the keys, when I was finally eye to eye with how amazing it was… it was in high school.  I’d taken lessons for years, but then a moment occurred when it struck me: what a privilege, what a passion.  There are so many things in life like this–we don’t make the time, and we trust that they will always be there for us, eventually.  Why should we waste our lives without them?  There’s no reason to.

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Mar 03 2011
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Priorities, reflection, Relationships, Sociology, Value

Unseen Undeveloped Potentials


Surrounding us, in everything, is potential.  Positive potential.  Some have the ability to see it naturally, others go forward and right past it.  There are so many factors that can cause a disconnect when we could be looking into others and pulling their personality gems to the surface; a jam-packed schedule that never stops, the technology that we consistently allow to suck us in, always seeing the negative before all else, or even our own looming and gigantic personal insecurities (this one is my biggest issue).

There are so many times when I remember a false first impression I have of someone who is now a large part of my life.  It’s like those movies that sound like all the rest of them… you know, romantic comedy… guy meets girl, they fall in love, yadda yadda predictable!  Anyhow, sometimes one of those hits your soft spot, and it’s more special to you than the rest.  When you give it the time, you realize why it stands out from the crowd of other romantic comedies you already know.  That’s how I want to see people.  Though I can look right at their “cover” and see what I think is who they are, it could be that I’m not the knower of all things… and they have some hidden, beautiful, very extraordinary potential that their Creator put there.  Usually, that is the case.

Overall, I’m starting to notice a pretty nice little prideful trend that has cropped up in my life.  The things that I really don’t want to do in life, that I immediately write off as “not for me!” are those that I benefit and grow substantially from.  The people I really want to avoid, the ones I have no intention of talking to, the ones I don’t see myself becoming open with and sharing life with, they are the ones who have stories that so gracefully overlap with my own.  They are the ones that I know are sent my direction for the special purpose of growth: without these encounters, and if life went my “own way” I would never benefit so richly and be able to move to new seasons of life.  I would seek out the very predictable, “Miranda” people, who I would pick for myself, wouldn’t enrich me with their diverse and important life stories, and I would be the same person I always have been.  A selfish, self-involved, and prideful human being.  Thankfully, I know that these little treasures are in my life for a purpose: because my Creator sees the undeveloped potential in me.

So when the roadblocks come up, the signals that I have saying “This person is annoying.. turn around,”  or my favorite, “You just don’t have time to talk to that person today!”  I try to do the opposite.  There is untapped potential in that person, and a lot of common ground or good that can come of an interaction with them.  So I will put down the technology, I will make time in the busy schedule, I will fight off a negative initial reaction, and I will quiet the voice screaming, “You’re insecure!  This person makes you look bad!  They’re way funnier or smarter than you!”  And I will develop their potential, celebrate who they are, and invest in their life.  You never know how your lives will be connected.

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Feb 11 2011
3 Comments
Conscientious, Marriage, Motivation, Priorities, Relationships

Thoughts: Tiger Mother Vs. Unschooling Mother Vs. ?


First: A Quick Celebratory Note!  This blog passed up the 1,000 views mark, and I’m excited about it!
Thanks to anyone who reads, you make me blush.

Unfortunately, I’m home sick.  Since yesterday, I’m stuck lying around in bed, sleeping periodically–yuck.  Just what I wanted, when the weather finally seems to be coming out of the deep ice-age!  So anyhow… No need to feel too sad for me: with my conscious sickbed time, I’ve been reading some pretty sweet new blogs on a new, interesting site called Seeded Buzz.  The site allows you to browse categorically, and so it wasn’t difficult to quickly find some meaty stuff that piqued my interest.  They specifically fine-tune the site to get interesting blogs that people WANT to read.  Nice.  My favorite new blog, of the moment, is Organically Inclined.  The content she features is top-notch, readable, funny, and life applicable when you’re concerned with being a sustainable family.  Her wit is astounding.  Her life story is unbelievable.  She’s also written a stash of books.  Wowza.

So my inspiration sprouted from her post on Unschooling her children, which I think is fabulous.  There are many aspects of parenting, but different styles affect everything.  I thought this nifty diagram would help you, humorously, envision the different influences of parenting styles, and how they affect children.  Funny, because of the complicated nature, but truthful nonetheless.


Ok–so the main idea of this post was inspired by one of the posts on Organically Inclined (by Michelle Kennedy Hogan).  Hopefully you’re following this trail of thoughts.   I’ve devoted a few moments of my time to pondering parenting (through my years studying Psych), and it’s certainly a hot-seat topic worth revving our engines for.  The plot of the parenthood story is not a boring one: many parents have to deal with kids who aren’t ordinary (Ha, Whatever the heck that means!), who have special needs for learning or growing or communicating; who have personalities that require specific attention of some kind (i.e. behavioral issues, special needs, social anxiety, exceptional intelligence, etc.), and it boils down to being a HUGE role for the shining parent star.

The cast in the story of raising a child is certainly not small, from what I have seen.  The character list of a child-rearing story consists of many players, (on every layer imaginable!) both wanted and unwanted, helping, or telling, the parent what they need to and SHOULD do for the best interest of their child!  Sound scary?  I think so.  Some of these individuals may be: Neighbors, Grandparents, Friends, Teachers, Other Parents, Psychologists, Social Workers, The Lunch Lady, The Librarian, and various other Random Social Figures (named and unnamed).  As you see, there are a lot of people trying to give the dish about being a parent.

Being Little Mrs. Newlywed, I’m only just beginning to understand the dynamics involved with this crazy little charade.  I’m excited about it, but I think it’s still a social game that you have to figure out.  I do know that there will always be extremes, and I probably don’t want to be either of them.  One extreme I never want to become is this:  Amy Chua wrote a book called “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” which I first heard about on NPR.  They were introducing the story, in an interesting light, by saying how harsh, yet funny, Chua’s books was.  It’s all about the “Chinese Way” of parenting.  It’s controversial, it is borderline insanity, and in the U.S. I’m sure any onlookers would be calling DCFS faster than the perpetrating parent can drag their child to the car.  Harshness is certainly not my cup of parenting tea.  I would rather my kids have, more-or-less free will, fail when necessary, and realize their failures in life on their own (with me offering guidance)..than lord over them with a strict, hitler-like regime of educational strictness and strivings after success.  Bad as all of this seems to me, (horrible!) I still can’t wait to grab a copy from the library and check out this style of hard parenting in its entirety, for myself.


On another wavelength entirely, we have The Unschooling Parent.  The unschooling parent seems to allow her children to thrive the way they are, how they want to, when and where they want to.  As I read this aforementioned article, my heart fluttered happily with visions of hippie flowers and rainbows.  Ok.. maybe that was the Nyquil.  This is the kind of parenting dreams are made of.  This is more along the lines of how I envision myself.  It’s more of an extreme than a lot of parents (but there are a lot of categories of these extremes) towards children being responsible, parents allowing them to crash if need be,  and allowing kids to pursue their passions.  Michelle offers up interesting insight about her kids, and how she handled situations with them… plus the fact that you don’t need to sweat over your kids ACT scores, and other “measures of success.”  I couldn’t agree more, and these are some interesting things to think about.

So what exactly do I want to do when I’m a parent?  Well, first off, I have to acknowledge that it’s impossible for me to be and do everything I hope I will.  My dad has made that really, super, pristinely clear to me over the course of my teenage years, until present.  I would yell at him as a teen, “I’ll NEVER MAKE MY KIDS DO THIS!!!”  Or something along those lines.. and now, I look back and realize that I have no idea what I would do in my parents’ place.  Funny.  As a parent, I do know that I want to always give Unconditional Positive Regard.  I’ve thought long and hard, and I know this is the TOP priority for me.  No matter what.  If my kid comes out having purple hair, green toes, and pink lips… so be it. They will be beautiful and important and interesting to me.  I want to give that Agape kind of love, that I’ve only found in my relationship with Jesus.  Some other things?  I want to give my kids a chance to be who they are, without the heavy impressions of gender stereotypes. If I have a little boy, I want to read about Trains, Planes, and Automobiles… But I’ll still be reading him “Olivia”!!!  If I have a little girl, I’m not going to tell her she has to be a Mommy, and I’d really prefer to NOT give her a baby and a stroller when she’s 3 years old.  I know, I know… these things have become the norm… but I want to give my kids a chance to decide for themselves what they’re interested in, without all of society’s opinions deciding for them first.

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Jan 25 2011
2 Comments
Environment, Priorities, Thriftiness, Value

Virtues of Thriftiness


Raised in a home that never wasted, always recycled, and re-used, I have realized the value of being thrifty.  I am always up for a trip to the thrift store, I love finding things on craigslist, and freecycle is a nifty way to give things away and find things you need–while keeping items out of landfills.  I was able to give away about five of my homecoming/prom dresses to a girl about my size who is still in high school: I felt great knowing that she’d get to enjoy them and look good while doing it.  : )  Those dresses could certainly get more than one wear out of them!  While this may give you a somewhat old-ladyish picture of me, thrifting is anything but.  You can find amazing, hot steals if you try and if you’re patient, and the generosity of others never fails to amaze me.  Being thrifty does not mean sacrificing quality!

My mom & dad have a knack for collecting beautiful things from their travels: finds from here, there, and everywhere.  These things have a lot of meaning to them–years spent abroad as a newly married couple (they were married on my mom’s 18th birthday!) are encapsulated within each precious item.  My mom has china from Japan, sushi dishes, teacups, etc. that reflect the beauty of artisans who created them.  There is a huge glass fishing ball that I’ve admired since I was a kid.  Another of my favorites is the silkscreen they have hanging in their living room, it has birds delicately painted on the surface.


While I’ve always been surrounded by art, music, and culture, my parents (especially mom) were clear in their actions that money was something to be used with caution.  I remember absolutely HATING shopping around thrift stores with my mom when I was a kid.  When you’re that small, you just want to get something you want and then go do something else that’s more fun.  Now I can realize in retrospect that Mom always had an agenda: She had a list of things she had been looking for, and she was going to find them!  Sometimes it took her a couple of months, or others she hit the jack pot right away.  But she taught me some valuable lessons with her frugality:

1) Being Thrifty Pays:  Mom & Dad have worked hard in their lives, and so have been able to save money and send me to college.  This doesn’t mean money grew on trees, though.  My mom always had the finances figured out, and because my family didn’t pay for things like 500 channels of cable T.V., didn’t buy things new, and often went without because we realized we didn’t need it… there was always money available for more crucial needs.

2) Being Thrifty is Green! One of my favorite things about thrifting is this: My mom pointed out that if you buy things at a thrift store, (Goodwill mainly functions like this) you are actually buying stuff that people donated!  That means they could’ve thrown their old crap out, but instead they donated it to a worthy cause because it was still in good condition.  Thus the green cycle triumphs as superior to the consumerist mentality.

3) Being Thrifty Grows Discipline, Hard Work, & Patience: As a newlywed, my hubby & I are pretty careful with our money, (thanks, Dave Ramsey!) or we try to be.  When we’re grocery shopping, often one of us will look at the other with an item in our hand and say “What do you think?”  We assess the item, sizing it up for quality and necessity.  Often it’s something we don’t need, or don’t need immediately, and if it is something we’d like to have, then we agree that we could look on Amazon or elsewhere.  It’s difficult to deny yourself the pleasure of the instant consumer high in purchasing lotsa “COOL!  NEW!  STUFF!”  but it makes you feel almost equally happy to have said no to yourself, and grown a little bit of discipline & patience.  In some cases, when it’s a big item, we realize that we will have to save up or work more.  Though it’s difficult not to just charge it on the card, in the long run we know it’s worth it.

Though the world is constantly telling us in its booming, shouting voice, “CONSUME!  BUY IT ALL!  COME ON, YOU DESERVE IT!” lets be honest with ourselves for a moment.  It’s a trap!  With hard work and by putting a little thought into what we buy, we CAN have many of the things we wish to… but not the way the market wants us to.  People who are pushing ads and products are only phonies trying to sell you the hottest thing so that they can make the biggest dollar.  Stick it to the man, don’t let them win!  You can have those things–Pay your bills first & bargain shop a little.  In my life, it’s helped immensely.  I’m thankful for the Virtue of Thriftiness, which Mom & Dad continue to rock daily.  : )  Thanks guys!

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Jan 12 2011
1 Comment
Environment, Justice, Priorities

E-Waste? Recyclable?


In a time when we’re beginning to think more about our choices as consumers, it’s good to ask ourselves if we can recycle whatever we’re about to pitch in the can.  While many things are recyclable or have been created to be more consciously minded, I always wonder what we could create with other forms of waste.  Like food.
NPR just aired a segment about some energy drinks that may surprise you– It’s pretty interesting, and shocked me as well!  Check it out for a quick read or listen.

Another startling question:  What about that newfangled contraption you will probably replace by next year…?  Yes, I’m talking about your beloved iPod, Macbook, or other “i-thing.”  What happens to those things when we move on to the next techie craze?  Another NPR story showcases the truth behind America’s horrible consumer habits.  We don’t think, we just dump.  What’s more, a lot of places that tell you they are recycling your e-waste are simply shipping it off to foreign countries!  Oh my…
If you want to know what’s going on,  you should definitely listen to this story “After Dump, What Happens to Electronic Waste?

If you’re interested in becoming more educated about how these cool new gadgets impact the world in a large way, another story, by Treehugger.com is about how the e-waste problem is impacting China.

After reading and listening to these stories…I was saddened, surprised, and thinking about what a solution could be.  It’s not a cut-and-dry issue.  But something I know for sure?  I’m going to think twice about where I put my old phone the next time my service provider offers a free upgrade.. or what’s better, I may not get an upgraded phone at all and continue to use my “untrendy reliable flip phone.”  Maybe part of the solution to the e-waste issue (which is threatening the lives and health of millions) would include becoming more content with less.  Why do we think we have to buy a new gadget?  Because it’s the latest, the hottest, the coolest new thing.  Not because we need it. 

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