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Feb 28 2012
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Marriage

Reminisce


Thinking back. It’s been over year and a half! Here’s to married life, happily. Our lives changed so much that day, and now in May they will once again evolve. It’s the process of our being, to move forward, to experience new, to let go of old ways and try to embrace that life will never stand still. When I analyze our faces in these photos–filled with emotion, hardly able to believe the day had finally come–I see how much we have already changed in just a little while. I wonder what will come next?

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Aug 24 2011
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Appreciation, Marriage, reflection, Value

Every Season


Life has brought many changes, both big and small, for the Irvins. With the heat of summer and the sweet, yet unexpected, hints of fall (cooler evenings, even when the heat index is in the 100s during the daytime hours!) I reminisce on life and reflect on how the seasons ebb and flow. I’ve always loved the transitions and watching it with expectations of the newness. Through the seasons changing, it seems God has given us a very constant reminder that “this too shall pass” when we’re in a tough spot of life, but also that we need to take time to cherish little memories that will be here one day and gone the next. Like a green leaf turning golden, we can’t forget to thoroughly enjoy the moments that pass us on our busy journeys to get “there”. Life is a stream of seasons that flows into one big ocean of time: it swiftly passes by, and sometimes I just feel like I’m taken as a passenger–along for the fast-paced ride!

I’m trying to describe our days to you, sweet reader, but its hard to sum up in words. I can simply say that I am thankful in the current season, yet rejoice in hopes to come. We recently went on a big road trip to the East Coast, and it was our first one together! What a fun time to spend recharging and just being in one another’s company. Stopping at many destinations along the way–What adventure we had. Our final stop was to see friends get married; their beautiful ceremony and vows caused springs of love to well up in my own heart for the amazing gift God gave us in this special bond with one another. It was a reminder of who He is, who He always promises to be: everlasting, the one who seeks out relationship with us, the one whose grace never refuses. That’s what marriage mirrors, and what a Christ-like love is centered upon. In our journey towards God’s given promises, it is so good to breathe in a moment and taste the goodness that is there.

Among other new news, we have sold Troy’s Accord (ahh, we’ll miss that snazzy car! ) after coming to terms with the new lifestyle we now embrace. Homeowning is not for the vain, and having a van, or a truck, or … an Element… would certainly make moving things around, buying and selling, helping others with their junk… a much more do-able task. We’ve had my friend Sam staying with us for the summer, keeping company, learning, growing, & being as silly as we please. We have adopted a new dog, Lady, who has taught me such patience as she has learned the art of being housebroken, not chewing the meaningful little trinkets I possess, and general good dog manners. She’s been the sweetest thing as I’ve learned that being a doggy mommy to TWO dogs is even better than just one: I can see how they interact, how Shadow leads her around, and how her nature is the exact opposite of his. It’s a beautiful thing. She is constantly making us laugh with her antics, and in need of correction for some of her manners, but she shows us so much love. I am coming up on my last semester (envision me raising the roof as I shout this) of undergrad, and Troy & I are thinking of things towards the future and what that means for us–with God’s vision to guide us. In about a month we will embark on our first real serving-centered trip together to help restore Joplin after all of the devastation, and we are eager to see what God will do there.

There’s a quick update, for any who are interested, and for now I’ll bid you adieu. God’s got a way to mend my brokenness by showing me the goodness all around, and I hope that He is helping to restore yours as well.

With Love.

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Jul 12 2011
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Family, Marriage, Priorities, Value, Womanhood

Baby Boom!


Why hello, hello!
It has been awhile, has it not? My fault entirely. I need to be more dedicated to my writing. There has been a multitude of occasions and events, the holiday, and changes in life to account for my absence; but writing is my catharsis and synthesis–I should probably keep at it. I hope you were able to celebrate our emancipation with a good ounce of freedom running through your veins; the holiday just makes me want to be mischievous, do something a little out of the ordinary, and give thanks.

I believe the main topic I’d like to discuss is babies–in this post at least. It’s an overarching thing that newlyweds must tread lightly with, and certainly around. So many individuals are blossoming in the belly, and I feel like I’m being left behind in my stage of life! Of course, I’m not. Mind you, these blossomers are people I know and I don’t know… it seems like when you’re sensitive to something, it happens to be EVERYWHERE! In one evening, I may have counted four or five different preggos walking by my hubby’s work as I sat there, looking out the window. Since I was looking for them, it looked like they were the main population of our town. This is part of a cycle in life and human thought: Once we achieve the “next step” of life (i.e.; graduating from college, getting a career, becoming married… etc.) it seems that all of biology and humanity chime in to tell you, “OK! What’s next?” It’s also a human thing, trying to fill ourselves with something new and exciting instead of appreciating the moment, the people, the life that God has currently given us. Certainly something to combat, something to notice, and something to actively fight against with gratitude and acceptance of your current situation.

Anyhow, back to babies. The big question for married people, whether newly or otherwise, is clearly about childbearing. “Do you want to get pregnant?” I was asked at my first acupuncture appointment yesterday… Yes, I do. But no, not right now. That routine medical question reminded me of the fact that yes, I can and hopefully will be a mother sometime. Reality. Yet not quite yet. With lots of semi-acquaintances, and perhaps perfect strangers, talking about babies and when you should have them, it can be easy to get insecure about the whole thing. “Should I be having a baby!? Should we do that now? Wait… will we ever be ready for it? We need to PLAN for these kinds of things!” Yes. Planning is good. Planning is a wise thing, and I do believe God wants us to do our best with our resources. However–I also recently read a neato article that discussed Christians’ ideas about children, and how we think we can just “plan” our lives around them. Plan them, actually. If you think about it, it’s assuming to think that we can plan someone else’s life, especially when God is the one who really gives life. He is the one who makes the womb fertile. He is the one who decides that life will begin.

So I have to be careful and mindful of what I think about life, what I think about being a mother. What I think about my hopefully future children. I want it all to be in God’s hands, and with all of the competing, arguing views shouting at newlyweds, I have to try to drown out the noise and do His will. Not my own. Not theirs. Not the world’s fast-paced-lifestyle voice. His. And as I plan a baby shower for a sweet friend, I take note of things, cherish her pregnancy, and realize that it is such a beautiful thing. It is something to be in awe of and to be thankful for. While all of that is true, it can also be true that this single, young, semi-disorganized newlywed lifestyle is also a cherished and awesome place to be! Each stage of life has new challenges, new ideas, something to give a fresh take on the journey God has made.

And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. :)

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Mar 17 2011
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Marriage, Relationships, Value

A Newlywed Classic


As newlyweds, the world feels wide open.  We still call ourselves newlyweds after 9 months, is that the norm?  Whatever is normal–it all still feels like a shiny new toy to us.  We’re not quite sure what it’s all about, we’re learning as we go.  As though someone pulled the curtains back unveiling an enormous, gorgeous stage, which you must act upon.  It’s thrilling to see that you are absolute center stage.  It quickens your pulse within you.  You feel like you’re in control, and you believe you’re the author of the storyline playing out.  Now after a bit, you may feel a tug coming from certain places.  For us, it’s really just been random individuals who insist upon the norm, sometimes I believe they may be shooting off their mouths nervously… Saying things like, “So when are you planning to have children?” and of course, “What do you do (for a living)?”  Questions of these nature are the threads holding married life together…or are they?

These days, we have both been feeling a bit as though we’re writing a classic novel about the struggles of newlywed life.  Everyone expects the same struggles, everyone expects you to do the same things as they did.  We feel our lives are opened blank pages, writing repetitiously to a rhythm on some occasions, yet wishing for something we aren’t quite sure of.  A promise.  A story.  We don’t know what the future holds, but we know that our Father holds the future.  We’re learning more each day of what it means to serve, to grow, to truly be Christlike.  Because we’ve seen that the image of Christ we’re so used to… that worn children’s bible ideal.. may not be who Jesus is after all.  At any rate, we’re tying what we learn about our faith into every other aspect of life.  Making an effort to.  Things can get dirty, we fight, we make up.  That’s life.  But at the end of the day, something is quite certain.  We were made for more.

So as everyone expects things of you, and you’re writing a classic novel… have you felt that there must be more than that?  Have you watched your dreams begin to waver as reality smacks you?  Have you felt that longing?  That deep surge inside of you… a rising and falling of the passions in your seas of life.  You feel a bit disillusioned with the way life has turned out, and sometimes you had allowed yourself to dream of much more.  I believe these lingering feelings… these stories we force ourselves to cover up and completely ignore… these are Truth.  Human beings limiting themselves to desk jobs–and to monotonous and boring lives… that’s what creates a world of injustice, a world of cruelty.  It’s unbridled horror, the terrible scenes from a scary movie play out in front of us.  In awe at the gruesome things, we wonder how it could’ve happened…!  Really, it’s clear.. it’s simple misdirected potential.  We were made for more, and we fail to bring those dreams to pass, so we settle for things that were never beautiful, never life-changing.  Some people fall to sin and to corruption, to vile habits and behaviors, to criminality.  Because they believed the distorted lies they were told, offering them the vague morsels of what they could’ve been.   Offering them only shadows of genuine, fresh, life.  Giving them a story that was never theirs to begin with.  But they believed it.

So as we live our pages of history, and we write our stories, we pause to ask ourselves.. were we truly intending to write this classic novel?  This story that so many tell?  And why?  Because it’s what others are expecting of us.  Or does our future hold more in store, so much more than we could’ve written for ourselves?  I long to believe the latter.  I do not want to see empty lives that could’ve been lived with adventure, with companionship and with courage.  With compassion and service to others.  As my husband and I forge forward through uncharted corners of our world, we ask God to be our guiding force.  We don’t want to write the same old musty story.  We don’t want to invest in something that has been proven boring and old, time after time.  In the meantime, as my dad says, you’ve gotta make a living, and I agree.  We hold fast to our responsibilities, however begrudgingly, and turn our eyes toward greater things.  Losing hope is not an option, and our Joy comes from the Lord.

I hope you will rewrite your classic story, or at least venture out into that possibility.

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Feb 11 2011
3 Comments
Conscientious, Marriage, Motivation, Priorities, Relationships

Thoughts: Tiger Mother Vs. Unschooling Mother Vs. ?


First: A Quick Celebratory Note!  This blog passed up the 1,000 views mark, and I’m excited about it!
Thanks to anyone who reads, you make me blush.

Unfortunately, I’m home sick.  Since yesterday, I’m stuck lying around in bed, sleeping periodically–yuck.  Just what I wanted, when the weather finally seems to be coming out of the deep ice-age!  So anyhow… No need to feel too sad for me: with my conscious sickbed time, I’ve been reading some pretty sweet new blogs on a new, interesting site called Seeded Buzz.  The site allows you to browse categorically, and so it wasn’t difficult to quickly find some meaty stuff that piqued my interest.  They specifically fine-tune the site to get interesting blogs that people WANT to read.  Nice.  My favorite new blog, of the moment, is Organically Inclined.  The content she features is top-notch, readable, funny, and life applicable when you’re concerned with being a sustainable family.  Her wit is astounding.  Her life story is unbelievable.  She’s also written a stash of books.  Wowza.

So my inspiration sprouted from her post on Unschooling her children, which I think is fabulous.  There are many aspects of parenting, but different styles affect everything.  I thought this nifty diagram would help you, humorously, envision the different influences of parenting styles, and how they affect children.  Funny, because of the complicated nature, but truthful nonetheless.


Ok–so the main idea of this post was inspired by one of the posts on Organically Inclined (by Michelle Kennedy Hogan).  Hopefully you’re following this trail of thoughts.   I’ve devoted a few moments of my time to pondering parenting (through my years studying Psych), and it’s certainly a hot-seat topic worth revving our engines for.  The plot of the parenthood story is not a boring one: many parents have to deal with kids who aren’t ordinary (Ha, Whatever the heck that means!), who have special needs for learning or growing or communicating; who have personalities that require specific attention of some kind (i.e. behavioral issues, special needs, social anxiety, exceptional intelligence, etc.), and it boils down to being a HUGE role for the shining parent star.

The cast in the story of raising a child is certainly not small, from what I have seen.  The character list of a child-rearing story consists of many players, (on every layer imaginable!) both wanted and unwanted, helping, or telling, the parent what they need to and SHOULD do for the best interest of their child!  Sound scary?  I think so.  Some of these individuals may be: Neighbors, Grandparents, Friends, Teachers, Other Parents, Psychologists, Social Workers, The Lunch Lady, The Librarian, and various other Random Social Figures (named and unnamed).  As you see, there are a lot of people trying to give the dish about being a parent.

Being Little Mrs. Newlywed, I’m only just beginning to understand the dynamics involved with this crazy little charade.  I’m excited about it, but I think it’s still a social game that you have to figure out.  I do know that there will always be extremes, and I probably don’t want to be either of them.  One extreme I never want to become is this:  Amy Chua wrote a book called “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” which I first heard about on NPR.  They were introducing the story, in an interesting light, by saying how harsh, yet funny, Chua’s books was.  It’s all about the “Chinese Way” of parenting.  It’s controversial, it is borderline insanity, and in the U.S. I’m sure any onlookers would be calling DCFS faster than the perpetrating parent can drag their child to the car.  Harshness is certainly not my cup of parenting tea.  I would rather my kids have, more-or-less free will, fail when necessary, and realize their failures in life on their own (with me offering guidance)..than lord over them with a strict, hitler-like regime of educational strictness and strivings after success.  Bad as all of this seems to me, (horrible!) I still can’t wait to grab a copy from the library and check out this style of hard parenting in its entirety, for myself.


On another wavelength entirely, we have The Unschooling Parent.  The unschooling parent seems to allow her children to thrive the way they are, how they want to, when and where they want to.  As I read this aforementioned article, my heart fluttered happily with visions of hippie flowers and rainbows.  Ok.. maybe that was the Nyquil.  This is the kind of parenting dreams are made of.  This is more along the lines of how I envision myself.  It’s more of an extreme than a lot of parents (but there are a lot of categories of these extremes) towards children being responsible, parents allowing them to crash if need be,  and allowing kids to pursue their passions.  Michelle offers up interesting insight about her kids, and how she handled situations with them… plus the fact that you don’t need to sweat over your kids ACT scores, and other “measures of success.”  I couldn’t agree more, and these are some interesting things to think about.

So what exactly do I want to do when I’m a parent?  Well, first off, I have to acknowledge that it’s impossible for me to be and do everything I hope I will.  My dad has made that really, super, pristinely clear to me over the course of my teenage years, until present.  I would yell at him as a teen, “I’ll NEVER MAKE MY KIDS DO THIS!!!”  Or something along those lines.. and now, I look back and realize that I have no idea what I would do in my parents’ place.  Funny.  As a parent, I do know that I want to always give Unconditional Positive Regard.  I’ve thought long and hard, and I know this is the TOP priority for me.  No matter what.  If my kid comes out having purple hair, green toes, and pink lips… so be it. They will be beautiful and important and interesting to me.  I want to give that Agape kind of love, that I’ve only found in my relationship with Jesus.  Some other things?  I want to give my kids a chance to be who they are, without the heavy impressions of gender stereotypes. If I have a little boy, I want to read about Trains, Planes, and Automobiles… But I’ll still be reading him “Olivia”!!!  If I have a little girl, I’m not going to tell her she has to be a Mommy, and I’d really prefer to NOT give her a baby and a stroller when she’s 3 years old.  I know, I know… these things have become the norm… but I want to give my kids a chance to decide for themselves what they’re interested in, without all of society’s opinions deciding for them first.

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Feb 07 2011
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Home Improvement, Marriage

In Love, and In Loathing


Part of being married is the constancy of total together time, 24/7.  When we’re having a ball–we’re together.  When we’re having a catastrophe, we’re supporting each other too.  I love it.  While I love it, and while I love being a home-owner, home-maker, etc… things have seriously hit us with a nice reality smack lately.  Everyday Troy & I kiss each other.  Every day, we say I Love You.  Every day, we learn that every day is a new beginning that God gave us.  However, there are those days that hit you like a ton of bricks, in every vulnerable little place, and they drive you crazy!  These days are the rain.  Sometimes, it is pouring and howling, cats-and-dogs variety of rain.  Then the fun, giggly, carefree and romantic days are the hallelujahs.  Yet without the rain, we would have no idea how good things are, and the rain gives us cause to rejoice in the days filled with sun.

The smack in the face we’re getting right now is the homeowner’s heartache.  We’ve put a lot of backbreaking work into our house thus far.  Mostly Troy–a.k.a. Man Muscles.  I have put a lot of love into it: freshly baked bread to keep my man fueled, cleaning up, finding things that have been misplaced… along with becoming the world’s best and most insane deranged cheerleader if need be.  Anyhow, we’ve done a lot, and so far we have only taken on one monumental project: the bathroom.  We had a small drip trickling down into our basement from the bathroom. Troy investigated, and voila!  He found a ton of lovely mold lurking behind the tub surround.  Our solution was to just whack it all out, make it mold-free, and re-model at the same time.  Since it was in need of repair, we might as well make it prettier in the process.

This project grew legs and took off–with us just holding on for dear life.  Oh the woes, the pains, and the craziness of remodeling any part of your home.  Let alone the bathroom!  I truly believe our sanity and our hygiene were seriously threatened because of this project.  Though that may be the case (and if anyone suffered from our lack of shower time, we do apologize deeply) this process has truly been rewarding.  While things have been difficult (the toll of massive time spent on this project, which we would previously spend on other areas of our household agenda.. or that would be spent caring for & loving on each other, has been felt by both parties) we can’t help but see the silver lining.  Seeing a functioning end result is high up on the gratification list of life.  Troy’s done so much!  I am very proud of my perfectionist, hard-working, ingenious and wonderful husband who takes on these sorts of things.  While I didn’t picture any of this on my wedding day (HA!) I am so thankful that we are doing this and working our way through the clutter together–it’s brought out the best, and the worst, of both of us.  Seeing all the problems and coming up with solutions builds trust and mutual respect.

Experiencing out-of-my-element stuff has always boggled my mind.  I am fascinated, and I love learning new things… I’ve also gained huge new appreciation for every handyman out there!  I know what a wall is made of!  I know how to lay tile.  These are things I never thought i’d do.  Seeing how much time, blood, sweat & tears this thing has emptied us of.. we may be hiring someone for help on a big project next time, but I am definitely excited for new home renovations & remodels to come.  Doing this has been a work, but a valuable one: We learned how to do this ourselves, were able to save a load of cash while doing it, and reaped a reward of feeling good about what we’ve done.  I’ll post some pictures to share our finished work when it’s totally done!

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Jan 22 2011
4 Comments
Marriage, Photography, Relationships

Us: The 7 Month Edition.


Well, well!  We have happily been married for seven months, this past Wednesday.
 Though you may not realize it, seven months of marriage is a delightful place to find oneself.  And, seven is one of my favorite numbers for some reason.  I like it.  I also like the number two because we have pairs of things, like two hands, two feet… Ok.  I’m getting off subject.

I’d like to take a little journey through our meeting, dating, engagement, wedding & beyond.  As a little celebration.  Since it is my personal blog.  I’m thankful for this man I’ve married, though at times perplexed by him.  That’s part of the fun: God’s made him so entirely different from me, I have to spend time figuring out how he’s wired, and thank goodness we’ve got complimentary personalities!

Starting place: Cornerstone, meeting up, falling in love.  (Get ready for warm & fuzzies)


Notice: His arm is around my shoulders, we are casual and happy.
The Story:  I’m sure he said something that made us both laugh, as is usually the case.  Also, this summer at Cornerstone (see website if you’d like) was extremely hot.  We are both tanned and sweaty.  Nice way to meet!  We had just met a few days before this photo was taken, but for both of us it was pretty much instant love.  We had gotten to know one another via a Christian internet site, chatted and talked on the phone, and today we still feel that this techno-dating helped to weed out those annoying and awkward things that usually occur.  We were able to get rid of “unmatched intentions” or differing dating ideals issues that may crop up by just being straightforward about what we were looking for.  From day one, we knew we’d marry each other.

The Story: Fast forward. At this point, we’ve been dating happily for over a year.  We went to the city often, but had never gone to a baseball game, so we had to do it!  This picture was taken at our first baseball game, and the home team won!  It was a perfect date, and I’ll always remember it.  With fireworks going off all around and the team going crazy for the win, I could see myself with Troy for a lifetime, cheering for any reason.  I knew that I loved him, and it the future was exciting to us.

 

The Story: This was taken at Stone Hill winery, where he took me for my 21st birthday.  We enjoyed some of the BEST German food at the restaurant there.  I excused myself for a minute to use the bathroom, and when I came back he was sitting there with a big slice of pie placed at my spot, smiling.  It was chocolate pecan pie, AMAZING, and it had a candle in it too.  He sure knows how to make me feel special. One of my favorite memories.

The Story: That same year, we also went to Pere Marquette to hike.  The beauty of the scenery and the weather were astounding for fall!  We had really gotten a wonderful day to explore.  Then, at the peak of our climbing journey, on the top of a very high crest, we found a stairway to heaven.  Well, to a very nice lookout point.  Then we rested and ate a little lunch of pb&j’s, and he carved T+M=<3 into the wooden steps with his leatherman.  So romantic.  : )

Oh I do enjoy remembering these fun times we’ve had.

 

Here’s a another pic from the same day, a gorgeous view of the path we hiked together.  With its steep hilly inclines, it certainly is a good workout for your glutes and quads.  It was all worth it, through the pain of the climb, to see the sights at the top!  I love the way it looks a little fairtale-esque, because it’s winding this way and that.  :)

(Engagement Photos taken by our friend, Alyssa Marshall.  Go visit her!)

The Story: Engaged!
Troy asked me to be his wife on March 27, 2010.   Oh what an amazing day it was!  I had so many butterflies after the fact, and thought about how crazy it would be to be his wife–how happy I would be to share every part of our lives together.  He proposed at The City Garden, one of our favorite places to enjoy the artsy scenery & take a nice little stroll.  When he got down on one knee, I started to tear up.  I’m convinced I was the happiest woman in the world in that moment.
The next few hours were a blur–calling, texting, facebooking, contacting every person who we cared about.  We were telling the world about the soon-to-be US!  It was blissful, and I savored every second.  We’d been discussing what we liked as far as weddings go, and so it wasn’t difficult to  plan and prepare our wedding (with very much help from friends & family alike) in just under 3 months.  :)  You CAN do it, no matter what they tell you if you know what you want!

 

The Story: We got Married–and love it!
Though it was a short engagement, it still felt like the arrival of our wedding date was inching towards us at the pace only a tortoise could relate to.  When THE BIG DAY arrived, I felt filled to the brim with excitement, a few nerves, and knew that it was really happening.  My dream–finding an awesome Godly man who loves me, to spend my life with, have a few kids, and adventure with, came true.  In truth, our wedding day was one of the most tiring days of my life, and by the end I was about to drop.  But.. it was still like a fairytale dream!  I love every memory from it, and am so happy to be on this real life adventure with Mr. Right.

Thanks for hanging in this long (if you indeed are still along for the ride).  If you can’t tell, I’m quite a sentimental gal & love to share these parts of life.

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