Filed under Education …

Mar 26 2013
1 Comment
Conscientious, Education, reflection

Fight The System, Then Get Some Sleep.


The theme that runs rampant in my life, like an overgrown invasive species (I envision Kudzu, because it’s everywhere all over Illinois and I know it takes over every living thing like crazy) branching out so effortlessly in many places, would have to be “Fighting The System.”  We question a lot of things in our household–I feel we are in an era where we must think for ourselves, discuss things, not let the media and popular belief choose for us what we will do with our lives.  There is a lot that you can lose by believing everything you see, or by being led astray by the notion that you can just trust corporations, brands, marketing, advertising, commercials, etc.  On the contrary, most of them are lying to your face as they smile a toothy, perfectly white, smile.  Greedily motivated by money, in many cases, these corporations are not trustworthy, (unfortunately, also including the medical profession in many cases) and you must do your own research and learn your own lessons if you are to be a wise consumer in any way.

So when it comes to life, we are conscientious, captive-minded consumers.  By captive-minded (hence the name of this blog), I mean we keep our minds keenly aware of our environments and we hold our mind’s captive to be educated and learn things worthwhile.  We try to sleep with one eye open and be wary of new trends or new ideas until we’ve thoroughly investigated them.  We listen to a sermon or sit in an audience with our eyes on the speaker, but our brains still working.  We don’t take their word as God’s word, we go weigh what was said against scripture.  Anyhow, we don’t want to be meanhearted, but we want to seek truth.  I have noticed lately that I can get really cynical, really upset about the state of our world.  I can feel so distraught that I cannot simply trust people with my child, trust what people will do for him and how he will be taken care of… and really angry that all food is not good food–not even most of it.  But you know what?  My hope isn’t here.  My hope is not in God’s Green Earth, as much as I do love it.  I love the earth, I want to recycle, and I want it to last for future generations.  But as much as I do, I also realize that humankind has a destructive, irrational gene in  its makeup: where we should be content, we try for just a bit more.  When we should be happy with one handful, we take two.  So I must know, as long as this world is a broken wreck that God has to restore, it will not be everything I hope for it to be.  Motivations will be twisted.  Ecosystems destroyed.  Lives lost to greedy wants and wishes.  I can try to save my son from every contaminant, poison, and cleaning supply that was invented… but he will be touched by some of it simply by living in this world.

My hope is not in fighting the system.  My hope is in the fact that it’s a broken one.  This is not, and never will be, how my life and this world were created.  I believe in a God who created a system that works together so beautifully, so symbiotically and systematically, that it can do nothing other than show us a peek at the Creator’s glory.  A speck of what is to be.  I await the day when creation and creator will be reconciled.  My hope is in the return of Christ, in His continual work within me, and His love for all humanity.  That deep within us, there is a story that speaks of more.  We are all trying to fill that void, and those who greedily stuff things deep into their pockets at the expense of others (or rainforests, or babies, or puppies..) are trying to do the same thing.  They want more, more, more, because they know in their heart of hearts that they were meant for more than this mere bleak existence that they may be experiencing.

So I will be an activist.  I will continue to speak for things that I believe in.  I will fight the system with gusto!  With fervor!  With passion!  I am a zealot for many topics, namely: real food, saving the lives of unborn babies, and issues of education & parenting.  But I have to realize at the end of the night, my hope and my soul rest in more than these things, and that I have done what I can.  Recently, I have really been wrestling with vaccines.  August is currently vaccinated, but the more I read, the more weary I feel.  The more I know, the more burdened I feel his tiny body is with the weight of the chemicals and nasty additives going into his system.  I know that I was vaccinated and I turned out okay.  I know that Troy was also.  But still there is a big, huge doubt.  It seems like a vicious cycle and evil necessity… Something I don’t want to do but feel pressure to.  I know that there are many diseases that would probably be killing mass portions of our populations these days if people were not vaccinated against them.  My counsin reminded me about Polio, and how so many probably wish a vaccination was invented when they were dealing with that crippling disease.  Without a vaccination, these may still be huge issues of our time.  But still, I see so much wrong with vaccinations.  Why do babies have to be injected with things that contain such nasty ingredients?  Mercury?  Aluminum?  I’m horrified.  Not to mention that we have no idea how Autism, Cancer, and Alzheimer’s Disease really come to be.  It scares me.  This is a place where I have to trust God.  This is a place where I have to do my best, do my part, and then shut off the lights and get some sleep.

Mothers are asked to be everything.  Waitress.  Chauffeur.  Counselor.  Referee.  Friend.  Nutritionist.  Comforter.  Jungle-Gym.  The list could go on forever and ever.  Quality time and quantity time are so different, and I am doing the best I can.  So I must fight the system in my ways, I must do what I feel is necessary to make informed decisions, but then I must put my hope in higher ground.  Not in others’ opinions, not in trends and tradition.  I cannot wear myself to the bone and then some.  My hope is in Christ.  And in Him I can let my hair down, cry my eyes out, or talk until I have nothing left to say, I can be everything I know I am and still be accepted.

All my love,

-M

Tagged , , , , ,
Nov 19 2012
4 Comments
Conscientious, Education, Environment, Food Activism, Nutrition

Health Nut Mama


“But that’s the challenge — to change the system more than it changes you.” 
―    Michael Pollan,    The Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals

There is something so fascinating to me about foods and supplements as the body’s natural source for replenishment. 

I am astounded by the bounty of resources that God’s provided to us for many purposes, and also equally surprised that so many people do not use or belive in this capability.  Not only that, but I am continually hearing about new ways of prepping, combining, growing, cooking or not cooking, fermenting, and harvesting food for its best fuel return.  It’s a true passion, and a hobby of science experiements for me.  Some turn out fabulously, others not so much.  The point, for me, is just to venture into the new in hopes of a discovery for our family.

I would love to do an actual life update for us soon, including some cute photos of our little six-month wonder, but that’ll have to wait for another day.  We’re going to visit a local dairy this evening in hopes of getting a jug of raw milk to try, so I’ve got a lot to do before then!  So, I’ll leave a little list here of things we’re trying to experiment with, and some interesting reading in book and website form.  Hope you enjoy as much as I have.

Nourishing Traditions: Against the grain of the “Diet Dictocrats,” Sally Fallon questions everything about the American way of eating, circa the industrial revolution.  She goes against the grain recommending real butter, NOT eating vegetable oils in large amounts (really gives me some food for thought), and many other habits which are not thought of as normal these days.  Truly interesting, and if I were to embrace it, a close-to-180 degree turnaround for our family ideology, especially when it comes to healthy oils.

Food Renegade: One of my favorite new blogs, this website is a complete treasure trove of foodie goodness!!!  This chick is one inspired lady, if you read her about section you’ll see how deep her love of food runs, and the purpose that fuels her.

Homemade Butter: How awesome is this?  It’s so much simpler than I ever imagined… I envisioned a woman in a bonnet dressed in old-timey pioneer day attire, churning away at a bucket or barrel for hours.  Ha!

Kombucha: I tried this wierdly fizzy and somewhat sour drink a few years ago, and have thought of it a few times since.  I didn’t particularly enjoy the flavor of the one I had, purchased from a health store.  After reading about the health properties, and particularly the historic background,  I think I want to try making my own at home.  If you get into the reading, you’ll start wondering if you’re learning about a health drink, or an alien life form… but I guess the nerdy gal in me loves that aspect of it!

Last, but certainly not least, the thought of Raw Milk.  The link begins to describe some of why this is important.  A part of me is scared to go unpasteurized, and I think up terrifying ideas of sickness and foodbourne ailments, but the arguments make a lot of sense.  I’m really excited to get to this local dairy and try some milk from their cows.  Unpasteurized, very fresh milk.  The thought that our nation takes all of the fats out of milk, heats it up, and then adds nutrients that are difficult for the body to digest… really grosses me out.  Another attempt of American food scientists at making a historic, almost unbelievable, shelf-life for foods that should be fresh.  I hope to learn more about this and share as I do.

What are you and your family trying, experimenting with, or loving?  Is there anything you’ve tried, and really hated?  Lemme know!

–M

“[Government] regulation is an imperfect substitute for the accountability, and trust, built into a market in which food producers meet the gaze of eaters and vice versa.” 
―    Michael Pollan,    In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
May 20 2012
Leave a comment
Creativity, Education, Family, Value

Education Can Nurture Creativity


As a storm decided to roll into view through my dining room windows, I decided to cuddled up on the couch and watch this fascinating TED talk:

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html

It is so encouraging.  I watched eagerly, and my heart filled with the joy that is new learning, fascinating angles to see the world from, and new possibilities for the future.  One of the things I love to think about when it comes to God is His creative nature.  How that is seen everywhere, in nearly everything if you allow it to be.  I see it most often in kids that I interact with.  Children are meant to be educated in a way that is kind to their natural inclinations.  Our education system, so sadly, often pushes children into a big wooden crate, filled with only a few subjects available for study, and nails the lid on to trap them.  The children must then pick and choose from a meager offering of “acceptable” interests and courses, which in turn smoosh out their minds’ curiosities.  Thankfully, my parents helped to expose me to a lot of things during my life: music, culture, and we were blessed to travel–these opportunities nurtured many of the interests I still hold dear as an adult.  But I can’t say that my education in the U.S. did the same.  Boring worksheets… homework assignments for the sake of homework… and tests that didn’t truly measure any kind of development bombarded my schooldays.  I remember thinking at an early age (9, maybe?) “This seems so pointless…” 

This video shows there is so much more.  It’s hilarious, it’s inspirational, it’s true.  Our educational system needs to get up to speed with the way the world is now, not how it was 50 years ago. Artists, thinkers, creators, the active minds–these are the people who will solve our looming real world problems.  Take a minute to watch it–I promise you won’t be disappointed.

-M

Tagged , , , , , , , ,
May 19 2012
1 Comment
Conscientious, Education, Mommyhood, Pregnancy, reflection, Value, Womanhood

Decisions, decisions


Hello again, here I am again.  Pouring my thoughts like so many bright colors of oozing paint onto a blank canvas, then stepping back to see what will come of it.  This canvas has a LOT of paint on it… let me tell you– this post contains a bit of of birth jargon and fun medical mumbo-jumbo.  You have been warned.  : )

These days have been about distraction, lest we allow ourselves to succumb to madness: Distraction from myself and my headful of thoughts–there’s so much at the end here that’s happening!  From this neverending yet certainly ending soon–pregnancy.  Distraction from people who mostly, probably, certainly mean well but who occasionally make my head hurt with questions, demands, etc. questioning my ability to be a mother and birth properly.. Hmph…. Distraction from the decisions we will have to make shortly.  You see what I’m getting at, I’m sure.

Here are a few upcoming decisions for the Irvins, just to name some: circumcision (ugh, such a hard choice! The AAP is so non-committal about all of it, and most people I talk to base their reason for circumcising on what their husband had done, or what they think is normal… which is all well and good to take into account, but not a solid reason for us to allow a medical procedure, which is irreversible, to be performed on our son… ), medical interventions (to induce, to wait it out…. the pros, the cons?) changing my mind or sticking to our original plan (we’re scheduled to begin induction with Cervidil  on Tuesday, but depending on how far along things are, we may call it off). 

Everything happened in a flash… We were taken by surprise at my last appointment when we found that I am only at 1 cm dilated, which is where I was at 36 weeks, and a little more than 50% effaced.  This is astounding, but there’s nothing I can do to help it along.  I’ve been taking all of the things my midwife has given me, Evening Primrose, a special “Labor Induce” tincture, etc… but my body is doing what it’s doing.  I will be at 41 weeks tomorrow, and my body is not showing signs of labor.  That doesn’t mean it’s not going to go into labor though!  But we were sitting there last week, discussing so many ifs, ands, whens… and suddenly we had made an appointment for a tentative.. induction…. That word makes me freak out.  I hate it.  It makes me feel like I’m going in to have my nails painted because I can.  There are lots of inductions, I know, and some more gentle or natural than others, but I just never imagined I’d be here.  I guess this is where the advice to “prepare for the unexpected” comes in–so I’m trying to keep my cool and just trust God to know what’s going down, even when I totally don’t.

As of now I am torn, and here’s my predicament: I want as natural a birth as possible–the first medical intervention that occurs leaves many more opportunities for further intervention.  Example:  Cervidil, the artificial prostaglandin that I may be administered, may (or may not) create contractions that really, really hurt (along with ripening my cervix)… just like Pitocin (an artifical form of oxytocin), and which can put the baby under distress.  If contractions get too strong, which they often do with artificial means, the baby does not handle them well and the heart rate may become abnormal.

This process may (so many mights or might-nots!) put me through so much pain that I need pain relief drugs, a narcotic (a nubain cocktail is what my midwife usually uses) or an epidural (my absolute LAST resort, absolutely…) Then… if contractions continue to be very strong, the baby could be critically distressed and –BAM–that’s how the majority of C-Sections happen for mamas and babies… not something I ever want to happen. In fact, my worst nightmare. Of course I know I’ll likely be okay if these things happen, but I really don’t want them to. But, I also see that there are extenuating circumstances.  When the baby is at all at risk, all of my natural birth hopes go down the crapper.  Nothing is more important than getting baby A here, safely.  But there are such toss-ups!  I firmly believe that science and OB’s know hardly anything about a pregnant woman’s body.  They know hardly anything about pregnancy and what’s “normal.”  There IS no normal–but everyone wants to label things in a certain range… humans love to do that for some reason. 

Anyhow, I realize I still didn’t get down to what the real toss-up decision is here!  Here it is: My body could still spontaneously go into labor, even after another week of being pregnant.  At 42 weeks and 2 days I could pop him out!  But… there are a lot of risks involved after 41 weeks, many professionals say.  The placenta is not meant to last forever, and after 41 weeks it seems to fair more poorly in functioning.  The baby has more risk of passing meconium (its first little baby poop) which can be inhaled and cause problems breathing where it must be sucked out of the lungs.  Ahem. See what I mean? 

There’s also another factor hubs & I have had to consider: I need my midwife.  She will not be available certain days and I do not think that’s a good reason for me to do an “elective induction” as this would be called, but I also don’t trust the other providers.  The two doctors aren’t really natural-birth minded at all, and the other midwife just didn’t seem to mesh with my personality.  My midwife is so calm, so collected.  She’s like a gentle giant who I trust with my life.  So I really want her there at my baby’s delivery if at all possible. But is this the best thing for my baby?  Is this the best thing for my body?  God designed it to work properly and there’s no reason it can’t.  I’m healthy, baby’s healthy, and yet it’s quite a stab in the dark wondering where the risk increases.

(insert big huge sigh) I need God’s guidance.  I need His peace more than anything.  I’ve been asking, and there are moments of restfulness when I feel completely confident that we will know what to do when it comes time.  But then there are moments of intense panic when I worry that something bad will happen.

 I know that I am more educated than many women my age who have labored, and I’m not saying that out of pride–it’s the truth.  I was interested in the medicalization of childbirth in America, and the birth process in general, before I was pregnant, so I knew a few things, but I really dove in during pregnancy because I never want to be counted among the uneducated masses who simply listens to a professional because, well, they’re a professional.  I have my own rights and decisions, and must do my “due diligence” to learn what I can. But somehow it’s never enough because I must give myself over to God’s grace. I know this. I must give my struggle for control over the unknown to Him, because He is my caring father. He is my provider. He is our savior. See, I do realize I’m struggling with control. ;) I’m not totally in the closet with that, but not totally out either. Ha.

When you’ve educated yourself, prayed hard, and consulted trusted friends…yet cannot seem to get to a good peace of mind, where do you turn?

That’s why distraction has been the name of the game. Modern Family-aholics right here.  Art projects.  House projects. Taking long walks. Shopping. Stocking up on food. Watching paint dry.. okay, not that one, I was just seeing if you made it through this rambling post. :)

If you have a moment, friends, I could use your prayers. Much love.

-M

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Jan 19 2012
Leave a comment
Conscientious, Education, Environment, Family, Mommyhood, Value

Au Naturale / 23.5 week update


When I make something for myself, from scratch, it’s a lovely thing to me. It’s something crafted and created, something that took a bit more effort, and that I know well enough to describe the process. So it goes with nearly everything hand done for me: a craft, like crocheting (which I’ve been meaning to do some of lately, for our little guy), or the few handmade gifts I made for loved ones this Christmas (a coupon book for the hubby, filled with items he loved!, & a memory jar each for my parents–filled with thoughts about them, memories I remember, and things I’m thankful they did for me over the course of my life), I get a thrill from making it myself. Some of the best gifts, such as a bunch of photos that my MIL gave me–of Troy when he was a kid and a few of him as a baby–are those that take much more thought than cash.

So… I have ventured out into the unknown territory, into the land of legitimate accusations of “Earth Mama.” And I’m pretty proud of it now. I enjoy making things personally, mixing them up, and then using them. And what a marvel–(I made toothpaste, deodorant, and laundry detergent from natural crap-free ingredients!) when you start discovering that things you buy at the store do not have to mysteriously be made in some far off place, you can actually make them yourself! It gives me the giggles. The only downfall of this process is that it’s not a given that these items will work for you, or that you will get the right mixture on the first try of creating the recipe: my bout with “natural” shampoo only lasted two days, and I couldn’t stand it. They say that your hair will adjust eventually–but I felt like a greaser! Maybe another time when nobody has to see me in public for a very long time. Haha.

During this time of my life, I’ve been trying to focus on the true important aspects of who I am and who I want to be as a momma–what I need to do in order to make our house a home I’d like to raise my child in, and what I need to be educated about. We pray for our little one, his development and his soul, on a regular basis, and this type of preparation has been so important. It’s also been REALLY fabulous to not have to work right now (thank the LORD for His provision) and to have a month and a half off from school. I can research so many things about pregnancy and childbirth, rest, visit with friends I haven’t seen in ages during this special time, do tons of things around our home, and generally begin to reshape my life mindset towards a “family” instead of a fun 20something married couple (not that we won’t STILL be that–but things will admittedly be different). Here at 23.5 weeks (this coming Sunday marks the 24th week! Woo!) things are feeling pretty good still–I’m trying to stick with a regimen for working out so that my muscles, especially back and legs, are geared up and ready for the rigors of labor. I am preparing for an all natural birthing experience, utilizing a waterbirthing tub! I am completely thrilled. I’m so thankful I had a great lady help me understand more about the natural birthing processes–and that she helped me make an informed decision about what was best for me. One of the biggest pluses, in my eyes, for waterbirthing is that it is a pain relief method while going through natural birth, but it also mimics the natural state of my womb. Little man will not come into the world screaming and freezing in a sterile setting–he will be in a calm bath of water, and then placed directly on my chest. I hope his eyes are wide open and that he takes the world in. Oh I cannot wait. And I don’t have long!

My bod is definitely changing. I can tell my butt is bigger (oh well) and it is certainly more difficult to sleep and a few other unpleasantries. I was talking to my hubs about these things, and he said sadly, he was pretty sure my midwife would tell me it’s all part of the territory. The man speaks the truth. So for me, those unpleasant symptoms have mostly been lower/mid back pain and some weird muscle pains/spasms in my ribs these days (thankful for muscle rub stuff, a massage chair, and a hubby who will massage me!), but if you consider the miracle it is that my body can even DO what it’s doing, I’d say things are still going pretty swell.

Speaking of swell, I’ve so far got no swelling in my hands and feet.. and I really hope that will keep up. Small steps! I’m just wanting this to be a healthy, natural, peaceful birth. No interventions and no unwanted medications. I had been wondering about cravings, because I hadn’t had any “I COULD EAT THE WORLD AND I WOULD NOT BE SATISFIED!” cravings yet in my pregnancy, but I got a few this week. Cheesecake. Mmm. I haven’t totally gone overboard ever, but I have eaten my fair share. Trying to have self control and enjoy food while making sure to be balanced too!

There’s my bump update, for you dear reader, and I hope that you’re well! Spring is nearly here (well, it’s closer than it has been) and the days are getting longer. Rejoice!

All my love,

-M

Tagged , , , , , ,
Dec 29 2011
2 Comments
Conscientious, Education, Environment, Justice, Nutrition, Priorities

A Question for Consumers


We, as consumers, trust so many things to so many people! People we have yet to meet–people who govern, or sit on boards, or are simply the inventors of products–and of course, the people who set our own country’s standards at the FDA etc. People who may or may not have our good in mind when they sell us things–or may have their own greedy, and money-lusting endeavors in mind. I’m not hoping to do a broad generalization here, but I think it’s important to question it all when it comes to your own decisions and money.

I long for the old days. Yep–I long for sacred Amish crafting, creating, and building. Because when you build something yourself, when you’ve made it with your own two hands, all you have to trust is your own abilities–and you already know the process that went into crafting that particular item. You don’t have to think long about how you made a homemade pie, or worry that some stray ingredient somehow landed in there. Conversely, you DO have to think about the assembly line that put together your child’s crib–and whether that crib was sprayed with chemicals, dyes, preservatives, whatever… that could one day create an issue for your child’s developing and growing body. Scary, indeed, especially for a pregnant mama.

Why do we trust so much? I think the key to this question is convenience. We trust because its accessible. Kind of like gossip–if you heard the news yesterday, and you heard it from numerous sources, the story must be how it went down, right? Not always. I think the same is true for so many different things we buy–we figure, well, I can buy this here, and here.. and there. So it must be good. Or this line of thinking: Everyone else is buying this brand, or this kind, or whatever it is… so it must be the trusted way to do things. I like simple when it comes to what I’m buying. I want the thing to BE what it says it is. I like understandable. So when I go looking, I want to come to the facts pretty quickly–and I’m sometimes shocked when I analyze a “trusted” brand or “trusted” way of doing things… to discover the ingredients or process of creation are far less than appealing.

Let me dare you to do something, with me. Become a conscious consumer. Become aware–even though it isn’t the convenient thing. Think about how the cleaning/cooking/household products you buy impact the environment (when was the last time you heard about vinegar hurting wildlife? Or.. baking soda causing unnecessary deaths in China?), and in turn, how those products can impact your body and your childrens’ bodies. Are you educated about what you consume? Simple questions. But oh–such tough answers.

Here’s the ultimate dare: Take one product from your kitchen (oh, it could even be mac n’ cheese), then take one product from your bathroom (maybe your shampoo?), and lastly take one product from your basement or garage (wherever your store all of those tough-job manly items such as caulk, paint, car cleaners, etc.) and take it upon yourself to look through the list of ingredients. If you’re really brave, enter some of the longer “methy-alca-bla-bla-bla’s” that you can barely pronounce into your search engine and see what comes up. I doubt the answer will have you asking to have a platter served up of said ingredient once you learn what it really is. Anti-caking agents. Binding agents. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

The biggest problem I have with all of this is people who simply accept. “Well, they put it in there, so it must be there for something!” I’m all about holding big-money corporations to their promises–and to strict guidelines. Often, the only reason they put something in there is because it’s the CHEAP way to do it. And gain a huge return, monetarily, because of it. There have often been no longitudinal studies performed about so much of this (how the chemical additives, or simply cheap additives, in our food and other products affect our bodies long term)–why would you risk it if you have a proven, safe alternative in front of you? Wouldn’t it be so much nicer to simply avoid exposing yourself, and your loved ones, to chemicals if you could? You can. I can. It may take a little creative thinking, or a little time, or some energy, but you can. I’m committed. This isn’t just the crazy nature mama (which I also am, sometimes) speaking. It’s also just common sense, pure and simple. I only hope to think a little harder when smacking down some cash–”What am I really buying? Can I make this myself? Is this healthy?” Nobody is looking out for you, but You, on the consumer side of things.

-M

p.s.
If you’re looking for some good recipes to make your own products at home, I’ve gone searching and found a few cool recipes. Passionate Homemaking always has amazing stuff, check it out! http://www.passionatehomemaking.com.

Tagged , , ,
May 17 2011
Leave a comment
Education, Endurance, Motivation, Priorities, Time Management, Value

Procrastination is A Beautiful Letdown


When I procrastinate–as I am currently doing by updating my blog–it’s a letdown.

I get into this anxiety-inducing coma of thoughts… my fearful thoughts envelop me, cause me to come dangerously close to nervous breakdown territory, and then create enough freaked out momentum to propel me through my procrastination haze with great torrents of gusto and enthusiasm.  This period of time is usually birthed out of great encouragement from my friends, husband, and to-do-list.. all cheering me “ONWARD!  You can do this!  Do it… Don’t stop now.. you’re so close!”  Through their prodding and enticing words, I look at my tasks ahead and decide that the night before is just as good a time as any to begin.

(Brief interlude: Why do I do this to myself, you may ask?  Well–friend, the fact is this… it does produce results.  Procrastination works for both my husband and I.. occasionally helping, with God’s grace, to make exceptional pieces of work that may not have been created otherwise–there is so much tension, so much last minute energy, that we work very hard in a short amount of time.  If we planned things out to a T, and did things before hand, it just wouldn’t be so exciting.  I think that’s the only good explanation for why we seem to habitually fall into this mode of operation.  I’m not condoning it.. just saying that it is one way to get things accomplished.  However, we go through great amounts of unnecessary stress, frustration, and sometimes get ourselves in a bind because of it. )

So at this stage of the game, when I’m finally pushed into overdrive, I am in a frenzy.  My mind goes through different periods of a totally on guard, awake, hyper-drive mode… then switches to a black out mode where I seem to misplace everything, turn the wrong burner on while cooking… and talk to my husband in half-sentences that he must work to decipher.  Most likely because I am thinking of all the crap I haven’t done, that I must do, and don’t have my mind on the things that I am currently trying to do. Not a delightful place to be.

As the semester closes, I am so ready to be done I can taste it.  I have one final tomorrow (a devilishly difficult one.. seems as though our prof has given us a curve ball exam, and I hardly recognize the study guide as material we learned!) and a presentation of my portfolio (which I should take pride in, as its a representation of my whole career as an undergrad) and that’s IT!

The story with my portfolio is this: It includes so many components of my life, my coursework, my passions, that it is something I should be able to love–easily.  The upside: I began it about a month ago, to get ahead of the curve.  The downside: I am just now sitting down to complete it (before tomorrow).  Oopsies.  Well, I have all of this built up fear, all of this anxiety about not having finished it yet… and I sit down to make myself do it.

I dawdle a bit.  Then I open up the files to work on them, get on the livetext website I am using to present it.. and what do I realize?  Goodness, the end is not nearly so far as I had imagined.  My project has fewer dilemmas to work out, less problematic aspects, and more fun to it than I realized!  This happens often with the things in life I MUST to do.  As I procrastinate… my fear of working on a project increases.  It expands and warps until suddenly, my once small and doable task has turned into a terrible creature that I cannot recognize.

I do this to myself.  And, I can say, it has gotten better.  The more often I’ve done it, the more I can see this pattern of imagining things as far worse than they truly are… and realizing I’ve done that.  Realizing I’ve created a monster that doesn’t exist.  I have freaked myself out and procrastinated, when it’s really not all that bad.

Ha.

So… this putting things off habit–which I don’t do all the time, but usually do when I feel like I can’t complete something properly, can be a beautiful letdown.  Yes, indeed, there is hope for us all.  A wonderful disappointment.  Because though I have done it again, I have come a little bit closer to working with myself and understanding myself.

Aren’t we amusing creatures?

Okey dokey smokey.  I must get down to business.

Thanks for letting me procrastinate just a bit more.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
May 04 2011
1 Comment
Appreciation, Conscientious, Education, reflection

What We Value


It seems like we value what’s soon to be, or what we are not yet able to possess.

I see that’s what I’ve done previously, and possibly presently as well.  Today in Psych Seminar, portfolio presentations were center stage.  Three presenters gave their stories in a professional manner, from a standpoint of what they had done in their time as a Psych major, and as a student.  The stories varied considerably, some included photos from trips studying abroad, others detailed their family support systems thoroughly.  Their showcases were clearly pieced together with time, love, and pride.

As I watched one woman inform us of her victories, and struggles, her highs and lows, I could not stop the feeling of awe that swept through my body.  It went from my head, and trickled into my heart, touching a place that may have been a bit hard.  You see–I have been longing, yearning to get out of college.  To be done.  As a Super Senior (which, if you don’t know, means I am doing more than the usual 4 years of time at an undergraduate institution) I have begrudgingly gone to class, skipped my classes from time to time, and pretty much skimmed by in some instances that my memory can recall.  Though I have done these things, I have not yet felt truly sorry about them–which I should.  So many, like my thankful colleague, feel that they may never have gone to college, were it not for God’s hand in things, or for a blessing by means of scholarship or family provision.

She is deeply thankful for the place she’s at in her life, and is going to pursue grad school!  I feel so proud for her.

This is a great example, and reminder to me, of truly valuing what I should.  Instead of being ungrateful that I can’t organize my home as much as I’d like to, or cook as often as I’d want, I need to be thankful for my education.  It’s a funny place I’m at–both wife and student, and employee.  I know that my roles are singularly important, in and of themselves, but it’s difficult to see that when I feel that I should live up to something more. That others will judge me because my home isn’t spic-n-span, and we don’t have a home cooked meal every night (though Troy’s been making some lovely pie lately!).  Or because there is dirty laundry on my bedroom floor.  This is a negative view, and I should rid myself of it, with God’s grace.  If others judge, that isn’t their place.  And… furthermore, my priorities must be elsewhere, if I’m going to get this diploma!

A beautiful time of life can be made ugly and disastrous, if compared to something that it will never be.  You can’t value a diamond if you are always criticizing it because it isn’t a pearl!  What?!  Why aren’t you iridescent and round?!  Why do you sparkle so!?  Don’t you think it’s absurd?  I do also.

I cannot compare this time of my life to any other, by saying, “Well, when I’m working more instead of going to school, I can help pay off those student loans!  I will be more valuable!”   I assure myself of my value, and of my worth in that manner, I guess. I’m sure my human condition will tire of the work world as well.  I will think myself toiling at work, wishing for the days when I was a learning, free-thinking student acting in the play of college.  I will think that role better than my new one.  So I must learn to be thankful, and content, in all things.

And with this, I can ask that God will show me, as he showed Paul, how to be content in all circumstances:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Phil 4: 12-13

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
Jan 30 2011
Leave a comment
Conscientious, Education, Environment, Motivation, Relationships, Value

Your Corner of The World.



Part of my life entails teaching a course at my college, Environmental Science & Stewardship, every Friday.  I lead discussions, we watch intriguing and inspiring videos, and I hope to include more hands-on, get-yourself dirty, active aspects this semester.  Having this job creates elements of responsibility & activism that encourage me onward in my saga to do my part as often as possible: I am a steward of God’s Creation.  I’m not just a person who is an automaton teacher–I am on a mission with students who can change the world.  Consequently, because of my faith in restoring creation, I am eager to impress upon my students the changes that they can make, I can make, and that we can make together.  In order to instill a longing and appreciation towards preserving beauty & acquiring stewardship, I hope to continue in leadership capacities such as this.  An end dream I have would be to combine the skills I’ve been blessed to learn, and the resources I know are available, in order to create a family education group in a community (who knows, maybe this will be in years to come, and I don’t know where we’ll be by then!) that needs it.  As part of this, I would want to simply shout to the mountaintops the fact that we can all do something.  Whatever your station, whatever your experience (or inexperience!) you are someone unique, with a certain place in the world that connects to all others:

Students:  In some of the most advantageous positions to acquire new skills and understandings, students are capable of many things!  You could start a movement.  You could create a non-profit.  There are many things happening, and possible, in a world full of technology.  I began a “Green Group” at my college, and though it is difficult to keep a fledgling group active, I am still working at making this kind of thing a reality.  Students, you have so many professors, intellectuals, colleagues, and friends that can be legions for brainstorms.  If you see a problem in your world, and you see something that can be done, DO IT, by all means.  Does your campus recycle?  Is there a population of teens in the area that are troubled and need mentorship?  Do you see homeless individuals in your area?  Believe me, I know what it means to be the annoying squeaky wheel… but how do you think anything comes into fruition?  The squeaky wheel matters.  : )

Businesses: Many businesses work in a creative or innovative capacity, which is wonderful!– but a gigantic amount of resources are often used in the process of providing services.  Sometimes with just a bit of extra work or a little extra thought, these resources don’t have to be utilized, or an alternative solution can be found.  Paper is probably something nobody thinks much of, but a little thing can create a big pile of waste.  If your business doesn’t recycle, consider the options available.  If you can opt for direct deposit, it’s very convenient, and saves a bit of resources every month.  If there is a cause in your community, a family in need, or a charity auction happening, try to see that your business can be an agent of positive change.  Oftentimes things like these are small ways that a business can send a very clear message to their clients:  We are socially responsible, thoughtful, and possess ingenuity!  We have a special feature at our company: We care about our actions. As someone who is choosy about where I shop & who gets my business, I am careful to select brands and companies that give to charitable organizations, volunteer their time, do micro-lending (find out what that’s about at Kiva), do not test their products on animals, or offset their carbon footprint.  Nobody can do everything, but everyone can certainly do something.  If you’d like to see a cool website that rates products based on health, environment, and responsibility, check out  The Good Guide.I highly recommend finding out what kind of rating your house hold items receive and why.

Moms, Dads, Teachers, Mentors, Brothers & Sisters, Family, etc.:  In some way or another, this can apply to all of us.  We all have parents, we have all had teachers, and more likely than not we are connected to someone in another generation.  There is not a single person I can think of who wasn’t impacted strongly by one person in these categories.  These roles are essential in our world.  I salute you for responsibility in raising the world’s next generation: this is a very big shoe to fill indeed.  In your actions and choices, you are being carefully watched by tiny spies all around you.  They may not seem as though they are taking it all in and observing your every move, but they are!  The kids that take their cues from you come to value you more highly than you realize, and will probably become somewhat like you in future.  If you believe in restoring our world, and responsibility… if you think that we can all make a difference, then the buck stops here.  Sign that bill and pass it into law: you have the power.  Playing with the kids in your lives, investing in their ideas, being role models & listening with heartfelt sincerity, you make all the difference of a  very influential world leader.  Day-to-day, your actions and motivations matter to these young ones: our future teachers and leaders.

Singles: I definitely didn’t want to leave this part of the equation out.  Many people are overlooked when they’re in the single stage of life.  So much more bustling action seems to be happening with the newlywed crowd, new families, or the matchy couples who do everything together.. or sometimes maybe not.  I have seen single people who have a passion and tunnel headfirst into it with all of the energy and determination necessary to start a riot with good results!  At some places that I have volunteered or been a part of, I see that the most inspiring and most selfless are often those who realize that their single life has more time to give, more dedication available, and is greatly rewarded when selfish desires aren’t their central focus.  Some of the most impactful singles I can think of are Mother Theresa & Paul of Tarsus.  It seems they channeled all of their life energy into serving others.  I want to emphasize how special this time of your life is, whether you like it and want to be single, or whatever your situation.  Your assets are many without being tied down, and you can make a difference in the lives of others.

No matter what your corner of the globe, so to speak, your life is like a web: it is interwoven, connected, and continually changed by the lives of others.  We can’t function alone and disconnected. We are all a part of this world and the beauty in that is this: we are never alone with our battles, and in seeking solutions.  If you can connect yourself, believe in yourself and in people, some pretty astounding things can become possible.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Jan 27 2011
Leave a comment
Creativity, Education, Motivation, Relationships, Value

The Teacher


Socrates was an interesting guy, one of the early contributors to philosophy and psychology.  He was one who questioned everything, which eventually was the end of him… but I admire his deep belief that “Truth cannot be defined by an absolute authority, but rather lies hidden in every mind.”  His life philosophy, as a teacher, was that his role was to help his students to unveil this truth inside themselves–the truth was already there it just had to be uncovered.  I especially like this view when looking at creation: God created the world and it holds truth.  We hold the truth within ourselves even when we have no idea of its existence.  When teachers hold this view of their students, that each and every individual holds an important morsel of truth, a grain of undeniable humanity, I see that they teach quite differently.
With some teachers, I have experienced a sense of camaraderie, a shared love of learning, a fellowship of nurturing guidance along my path of study.  These kinds of people usually exhibit humility, a good sense of humor, compassion, and genuine transparency.  Among their qualities I also find two other impressive elements: The ability to admit when they are incorrect, and their attitude of a shared teaching/learning situation with their students.  They are not above reproach, and they are not too proud to learn something from the ones they teach: in fact, they readily hope to gain insights from their pupils!  By teaching in this way, they have encouraged me, fought my academic battles beside me, and instilled hope in my soul that anticipates the future.

Oh the disappointment I’ve felt, though, when I encountered the antithesis of this aforementioned humble teacher.  I have felt the oppression of a proud, highly intelligent yet hard-knuckled individual dominating the classroom.  In these places, I felt smothered and nearly unable to contribute to discussion or even to force myself to learn.  I felt belittled, small, and incapable of anything that would change our world.  I always wondered how that person–the one in great, unquestioned authority at the time–could ever hope to progress in their life if they have not opened their mind to possibilities.  When we believe we are the ultimate go-to person, the authority, the Bible of knowledge… then we have shut out our possibility to learn from the world around us.  We have all done it at one point or another.  People will shut off.  The lights will, figuratively, go dim.  We will be the only human around.

Though I am not pursuing education as a profession any longer, I hope that I will be a lifelong student.  These two types of teachers that I described have molded and shaped us in very different ways.  I try to go back and remember both: I try to seek out those professors who have truly change my life: The ones who lived what they taught, and taught because they cared about the future.  I tell them how they reassured me and impacted me!  I also try to remember the other teachers who have oppressed me, because I can learn from them too.  I have often analyzed these people, trying to gain some knowledge into what made them tick.  In the end, I think that a part of them died: The part that could laugh at themselves and love the process of teaching and learning in return–a beautiful exchange.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 38 other followers

%d bloggers like this: