Doesn’t that sound like a fabulous title to a book, “The 6th Week of August: When I finally let it go.” ?? Or something like that? Well, I thought so anyway. However, this post is not about a novella, or a clever memoir, but about our little not-so-little guy and how he’s a whopping six weeks old this Friday, and an update on the season our family is going through. We are in the sixth week of his life. The sixth week outside of the womb. So strange, yet so wonderful.
Our weeks are filled with up and down days. In-between and also on-the-verge days. Days that are miraculous and inspire every ounce of awe and fascination that our very first hours with August held, and then days that feel like they were ripped from the pages of a horror story. That’s parenthood, I guess. A startling mix of terror and joy at some points–(Are we doing this right?! Okay… it’s not that big of a deal… or is it?! Is he okay? What is going on!? Oh, no biggie…We can do this.) A mysterious learning experience for all involved. Sometimes we have wonderful family moments that I can’t believe are real and then some days end with my brain feeling like it’s at full capacity and turning to Jell-o, my body feeling so weak and exhausted from certain hours where I can hardly even think about eating, and with a nervous breakdown just around the corner. Didn’t I tell you a long time ago that you’d never find “fake” on this blog? : ) It’s still true: I want to be as authentic as I can be. So that includes sharing the crappy, horrible times with you, along with those blissful, beautiful picture perfect times.
Anyhow, the above photo is a great example of my son’s preferences beginning to bloom! Doesn’t he look a lot like his daddy?! These past few weeks, August has wanted to sleep solely in his carseat. We don’t start him out there, but before the end of our rope is reached, he ends there. We begin in the basinette after a long time spent snoozing in my arms or on my chest, then the vibrating and swinging baby swing, then we make sure he’s swaddled tightly enough to allow his startle reflex to be thwarted.. but in the end, he almost always decides to sleep in his carseat. I am beyond caring about what everyone says of the safety of it, because it’s all we can do to get a little rest and help him to be content. He isn’t an incessant cryer, but he always lets us know what he wants. I think there has only been one or two really loud crying, non-stop wailing sorts of hours this far in his baby career. SO hey, that’s a huge whopping yahoo! Adding to that positive note, he isn’t a HUGE cryer, and he IS a SMILER! Smiley, smiley, baby! Around the 3rd week, he began this little tiny smile that soon grew. This week he spontaneously smiles really often, and I think he may have been smiling back at me today. Ahhh a baby smile. Nothing like it. Nothing so beautiful that I’ve ever seen.
This sixth week has shown me that in everything, my joy will waver and my heart will feel faint if I’m not relying on the One who is bigger than me. The compelling prayer of St. Patrick comes to mind, which someone told me about a long time ago, a portion of it goes something like this: “Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me.” I don’t usually enjoy a repetitive prayer style, but this one really makes sense and comforts me. Christ has gone before me, He’s in front of me, He’s got my back, and He’s behind me. Pretty awesome. Moreover, hubs & I watched a sermon yesterday by Francis Chan. Our family is in a time of life when things could go many different ways, and we want to be wise and ask God what he thinks before we ask ourselves what we want. We have choices to make. What do we want out of this life? Ultimately, if it isn’t what He wants too, we’re doomed. Nothing from a human heart, aside from God’s guidance and direction, will move toward good things. We are selfish, and I believe that if our hearts are left to themselves we will only try to meet our own ends. Nothing for others, nothing eternally satisfying, but always trying to get the next thing. The next thing to meet the needs that we have–deep needs that earthly stuff can never meet. So… this Francis Chan sermon was really good. Really gripping, made me question things, made me ask myself what I think I need in this life. What do I really need? What do you really need?